Rant 2: Condo (Possible Fail)

And yet another disappointment comes around. We came so close to at least getting a fucking condo. But we may not even get it because the appraiser that appraised the first house we fell in love with and tried to buy screwed us over yet again. I'm so fucking tired. I just want to move out of my parents' fucking house. I'm so fucking tired of having to hide myself away and keep myself away from any chance my mother may take to bitch at me about anything and everything. I also just don't want to be around her negative ass energy. I'm tired of masking. I'm tired of being around a bunch of ignorant, republican dick-sucking, racist assholes. I'm tired of not feeling safe to talk about anything or just expressing myself. I'm tired of living in survival mode. 

We haven't backed out of the condo yet. Our realtor is verbally throwing hands with this appraiser and trying to see if the seller is willing to work with us. But considering how people are in this fucked up country, I doubt it. I don't want to look at other houses. I just want to start off with a condo... I'm done waiting, my ADHD brain can't fucking take it anymore. I just want to move. Waiting and waking up over and over again in this 'groundhog day' life in this dysfunctional af household is fucking agonizing. I'm. Fuckin. Tired. I'm tired of being tired. And there's only so many therapy sessions I can afford and oftentimes, only an hour isn't enough. 

There's also nothing to fucking eat in this fucking house. Understandably, nothing is affordable. My parents can barely afford two days' worth, let alone a week's worth, of groceries. I almost feel like I'm back in college and wondering if I'm going to be able to eat. Granted, I work a job that gives free food, but most days there's hardly anything left over to take home or there's nothing good to eat let alone take home. I barely ate much today (10/2/23) other than the little bit that was left over from last night. Nothing else... I just realized that was the only meal I had today. That was the only thing in that damn fridge.