Blog space for 2023-24

Spending most of my time burnt out. Not that I am doing much but I just think about things too much sometimes. Dearly appreciate those who take the time to deal with my bullshit, lord knows I barely deal with myself. I can tell by the amount of dust on my nightlight that I am losing sight of the things that matter to me, I'll get in the rhythm soon... or I'll get kicked out. Life happens. On a somewhat similar note, my collection of CDs and vinyls grows as the number in my bank count slowly (Its not slowly, lets be honest) goes down but I am okay with that. Getting prepared to go into the fall season, which means everything spooky!.... and a lot of holidays and dances. Not that I don't like to hang out but with some new changes in my life, as of recent, group hangouts have gotten somewhat stressful (or less stressful) I don't know anything except for the fact that I don't like change, it is probably life telling me to learn to get over the small shit but I am emotionally attached to the pieces of the puzzle. I could care less for the picture, that will change as I get older (or so I've been told). Week one down, way too many to go.

Always putting off my death date,

Fiп

Lovely Washington rain today.

 Today was awfully busy but I made time for the important things. I had school and then work (they let me leave early) but the good news is that tomorrow is my "break day" and the days are already starting to skip a bit. The more I live the less time means to me. I had my first lab today and honestly I am really glad I fell in love with chemistry. I'm taking a class with someone who has kids my age... lovely to have cross generational friends. Also, I drew this really dumb drawing today ->

Making up for lost time and trying to save up to get out.

My blood is Dr. Pepper,

Fiп

I woke up today with a pretty shitty headache but that's okay. I didn't get a lot done but I might have found a new fun thing to do, so maybe homework isn't all that important. I tried to clean my room a little bit today and went to hang out on campus with my boyfriend, so that was pretty cool. Overall, an okay day for recovery and rest.

Too young for newgrounds and too old for the metaverse,

Fiп

Keeping up well with Chemistry! Also, the EAS alarm went off in the middle of my class which was very distracting but also quite funny. Now that I am in the deep end of going to classes again I am feeling more myself. My area needs cleaning and I have boys to kiss (more like one boy; the joys of being gay). I will be going to my friends homecoming, because my second favorite thing to do is crash parties. I find myself falling a little more in love with the idea of being a teen guy as time goes on, I know I don't have much time left to do the dumb things that I will not be able to get away with as I age. This year will be filled with the things on my senior year bucket list, I will be going to every event I possibly can because I know I will miss how easy it is to hang out with people.

Bite sized boyfriend,

Fiп

I went to my college's club fair today and signed up for like every single interest meeting today. It was awfully loud but I got a lot of free shit so I don't really care. I ended up going to table top gaming club and joining a DND campaign so that will be fun! People said they liked my PTV shirt and I got a tarot card reading from someone in the TTGC so that was pretty cool. I keep making friends with the student life leaders and office workers which honestly is getting me some privileges (snacks). I am starting to feel like I am actually living my life and not just showing up again and it is really nice, I can forget how cool it is to just exist as a person in a place. TTGC also gave me cake and a dude named Forest walked me back to my car, it was all very epic. 

The reason they put "Do Not Eat" on those silica packets,

Fiп 

Hey folks! Okay, so I continue to be the bestest chemistry boy you ever did see (as we all expected). I went to see the "Stop Making Sense" Talking Heads movie and honestly it was really good! I would totally watch it again 10/10. Less of a documentary and more of a recording of multiple concerts and shows, which I was more than okay with. I did my psychology homework like 30 minutes before the deadline because I actually hate psych so much. I am totally getting my hair dyed again by my sister-in-law though! Everyone on my insta said blue and purple so that it what I am doing! The plan is for the color to be kinda chunky on my bangs and maybe a bit thinner throughout the rest of my hair but we will see. My obsession food finally FINALLY changed from chili to salad (I have literally cases of Nalley Chili in my garage). Anyways, that's about all I can recall at these late hours.

Putting the try in chemistry,

Fiп

Hello ethernet babes,

I have been trying my absolute best to catch up with homework and other stuff which is why I took a 5 day pause. I cleaned my entire room, got caught up on homework, made my canvas layout pretty, and I am getting ready for both my first D&D session tomorrow and homecoming on Friday! I have also been on the difficult journey of find a university that fits my desires and will actually accept me. You know the world can get desperately overwhelming sometimes and its hard to have to tell everyone to just not talk to me for awhile so I can actually get my shit together but here we are. I am still doing amazing in chemistry and I am coming to be okay with the psychology class I am taking, although I still do not know why it must have an in person class because we do nothing in class. I am very tempted to start skipping but I have to keep up my good boy reputation with teachers and classmates because I need connections when I start looking for jobs in the science fields.

Did you know an egg gets less dense as it ages? I guess that's why I feel more detached now, I got older and I have less in me. It feels like I have no solid hobbies even though I know for certain there are things that I like to do. I just never partake in the things I actually like anymore. I haven't played video games in forever, I didn't even play over the summer and I don't skateboard anymore. It kinda sucks cause it feels like you are losing yourself but there is just a level of apathy that comes with it, like I don't want to play Minecraft anymore, but hey! More time to do, well, nothing? I find myself just sitting around a lot, not that that is a bad thing but I feel like maybe I should be interested in filling that time with activities. I am just very tired but I don't really sleep either so maybe I can't really claim that.

Making promises to myself that I won't live my life unhappy just because I don't like change. I'm getting out of my house by the end of next summer anyways, might be a good time to look back into the things that I like. I need to get out more too, I didn't realize how much I missed talking to random strangers everyday until I got into a club. Holy shit. I forgot how nice it was just to exist in a room where people like each other. Thank you D&D club for being my faith in humanity at the moment. More poetry to come by the way, feeling too much and too little to not bitch about it in a sing song-y way.

Must be an anion with the way you are so fucking negative,

Finneas L.

Hello there IP stealers,

Did I name this a daily blog? Get fucked, it's not daily anymore. A lot has happened so let's catch you up. I fucked up my grades and got them back in order. I skipped a bunch of classes cause I couldn't get out of bed and now I am going to a counselor. I got a new planner, it is a little late in the year but I'm try the really cool stop being sad method of "do shit that use to make you happy and pray". It has been working. I got lot's of candy on Halloween and I've eaten a lot of candy. Work is going super well and I have a lot of money currently. I started a homework group on here with my boyfriend because I like helping people and I feel like it would be useful for me as well. I know that it is only November but I am starting to get on the Christmas stuff and collecting lists and such, mainly because I don't like Thanksgiving and I honestly hope we don't do anything for it this year. I do appreciate the time off though. I tried to dye my hair again but I am so fucking busy. I have also warmed up to drinking coffee, I used to hate it but it is actually pretty good and I understand the appeal to drinking it, my fav is absolutely still tea though. I have collected quite a few records and I do plan on showing them off (Maybe making it an interest section) because I think it is cool. Kat is so cool for getting me hooked on that, speaking of kat, go check out her writing, it is fucking dope.

A lot of the time it really feels like I am rambling on here, which I am, but it really gives you guys an interesting view point into my life. I think it would be fun to watch from on outside perspective, like a little TV show. I would much rather watch someone else though, see what decisions they make and why. That feels kind of stalker-y but it is less about like actually watching someone and more about seeing how someone else would react to being out in the same situation. My poetry and writing lately has been very voyeuristic. I didn't mean for it to seem that way but my thoughts and overall thinking process has been that way for a hot minute, mainly so I don't have to focus on myself but it's something I am working through, so I am sure it will get better with time.

 Things are always moving forwards, whether I do or not, so don't miss me too much when I disappear and make sure to be flexible with change because the world is fast-paced and unforgiving.

Fuck your favs and count your days,

Finntastic

Hiya Cable TV cryptics,

I am sort of staying on top of homework as is and that is always good but a lot of things are happening in life still and that is always scary. I got to see that Kat started an awesome blog that you should go check out because she is super cool and interesting. I finally got my shit together and started my cleaning binge which was bound to happen at some point cause I am scraping for the familiar feeling of control again but things are going a lot better. I am trying to set up a friend Christmas kind of activity and figuring out what that should look like and who all is coming. I am going to see MXPX on December 30th which will be super fun. Thanksgiving is like right the fuck now which is insane. Don't get me wrong I love breaks but I am a picky eater and this is my own personal hell a lot of the time. I won 10 dollars today in a guessing game and I am working the grill more often at my job which is really fun and cool. It also makes the time go by a lot faster.

Even days are the best for dying (they put you in the right mood),

-Ur favorite internet virus <3

Mkay this is uhhh way too late :)

But hi friends.zip or whatever,

I am struggling through finals stuff as I am sure we all are. I have been doing brain shit that is good for my brain like talking to people and now I'm going to a doctor for some health related stuff so wish me luck on that I guess. It's funny how the more something becomes normal to you the more deadly it can get I guess. No serious concerns though, getting told to go to a doctor just put shit in perspective I guess. Yknow maybe it's less that ive always been that way and more that it started at a young age. Either way I'm being forced head first into growing up and being responsible for my own shit. This will be the first year I can spend a shit ton of money on presents and holy shit! You motherfuckers are getting spoiled, I love you. Praying everything comes in time, etsy can be spontaneous like that. All my things should come in time but this one shop is being really weird on their shipping updates and expected times so I let the person know their gift may be late (sorry kat </3). I really do think I'm in love with Chemistry though, second class almost down and I wish it was the only class I was taking. I hate hoop jumping for degrees, it's really dumb. I want to take the stuff that is relevant to my degree and do the being a rounded human being thing in my own time. Like, give me time to find the creative stuff I like or what history I decide to learn. I hate structured and forced hobbies, it feels more draining than freeing. Speaking of hobbies, I downloaded the spachey app, if ya couldn't see the badge in my profile now. It's obviously very new and not what I expected the update to be but I'm excited to see how An shapes it to be his own. It's seem like a great start to something that could be really cool! It would be nice to not have an attention sucking social media app I could genuinely get people on board with and I mean spacehey in general is such a beautiful passion project. I know people are constantly pointing out flaws and stuff but they can really only do so much and it's not like Twitter or Instagram is better with their ED communities, gore, spammers, and other shit. It's just more noticeable on smaller sites like this. Also, I am super glad they don't track ip just so they can do ip bans because they site has this retro no data and fuckary feel that I want to stay. Anyways, my opinion, but keep reporting stuff and there is code to get rid of the new people's section if you need to.

I have also made a lot of new friends on here recently, I adore yall for talking to me and keeping me company, you guys are great. I like hearing about hobbies and other random shit so if you wanna just spam someone about something I'm pretty much always down. Just don't expect immediate replies. Not even my boyfriend can get that from me.

For Christmas I am have a party with my friends! It's gonna be fun I think, I've really been feeling the festive mood this year. Probably cause I need something familiar to cling onto. (You know I'm going insane when I consider going to church again lmao) We are gonna eat snacks and cookies, open and exchange presents, chit chat and hopefully have a good time. My family wants to do stuff too and I really want to hang out with my brother. I will be graduating this year and I'm not going to see him basically at all from August onwards. It's scary to think about the fact that life is going to be insanely different. Maybe I can be more myself though, I would like that. I'm also thinking about joining my schools GSA club thing? Not sure if it is the right place for me but definitely worth a shot. 

Special shout out today to both my bio brother and the one that I happened to pick up along my way in life. I am so fucking lucky to have siblings like you guys. Even if both of you lucky bastards are taller than me by way too much. I seriously would not have fucking made it like at all with out both of you and I pray to your God that both of you do well in life and have everything you need to be comfortable and happy. Goodnight, I love both of you.

Another day, another bullet on the list.

Fifi needs a fucking nap