It's been one year...

It's been now one year without you and I even don't know how I did it without you. I know you would be proud at me for doing exams, for getting up from breakups and just for simply living. 
I wanted to end my life today because I really miss you, because I can't keep going with this pain, with people who hurted me and even don't give a shit about it, because I've lost my sister, because I'm again addicted, because I'm just simply tired of fighting. But, I guess, you tried to stop me via my girlfriend, don't you? Heh. It's sweet from you. I mean it serious right now. You're now something like my.. guardian angel I guess?
I will always remember how you said to me that someday we will be both recovered. It was your first attempt for recovery from heroine. We both didn't know we will get much fucked up then we were before. And that only one of us will stay alive. It's still breaking my heart. 
If I won't get to psych ward this Winter I will do anything to drive away to Moscow, where I will give you rose on your grave. I have so much to tell you. So much. 
I miss you a lot and I wish there was some magic like in The Sims to make you again alive. The only what I have left from you is your non ended project of comics and messages. Oh, I didn't get rid of them. I know your project meant a lot for you. It was basically story about you. And I have in plans to someday share our story to whole world via comics. I will make your dream to come true, don't worry.
I hope you're whole this time in better place. Where no one is hurting and where you are finally happy. 
Rest in peace.
I will always love you, Ivan.