♡ 9:30 》 Did I ever ask?


》onsolicited comments about my body coming out someone's mouth like a jumpscare

》ive dealt with body dysmorphia since i was a teenager (you can thank unregulated social media access for that) and its a big reason why i became so obsessive with eating and working out

》 i used to be 95 soaking wet and always hated it because it was always pointed out to me as a way to shame me for a body type i was born with and cannot change (beauty standards amirite?)

》 a large amount of the criticism coming from within my own family

》fast forward a few years, highschool and college pass, many many MANY hours dedicated to a consistent lifting routine and nutrition to put on a lot of muscle.

》im not the next ms. olympia but goddamn i thought i would be able to be proud of myself by now. but nope

》still receiving comments about how slim and skinny i am all these years later. like i sat around and did nothing with my life.

》like i didn't pull allnighters sobbing and shoving 2000 calories of food down my throat at 3 AM after working until 12 AM on a school night and after writing my 2nd weekly essay and vomiting from overeating at 1 AM

》like i didn't get anxiety attacks and cry in the bathroom alone everyday my senior year after forcing myself to go to the gym when i would rather blow my brains out cause i was "too impossibly ugly to be seen like this"

》like i didn't look in the mirror and tell myself worse things every single day, and show up to destroy myself to spite the world

》like im just a sounding board for how people feel about my body

》i can't keep being that little girl who hated herself it's getting old

》im gonna become undeniable 

》{Bobbie has left the chat}

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