[9.29.23] Thoughts

Okay, hey, it's been a while since I did literally anything on my page. A lot has happened. So, I started online school for real this year, my cat passed away in June, my dad finally got to buy the taproom for his business, and I'll get to work there once they open. Their brewery is Brew d'Etat for anyone wondering (free promotion for them, lmao). I've been really struggling with keeping up with school lately, and I don't want a repeat of last year. I guess I've been distracting myself from a lot of the shit I've been going through by watching Criminal Minds nonstop. I've also been thinking about writing fanfiction again, though I haven't had the motivation to. I've had this idea for one for a while. Blood Floods Jersey. It's about MCR. AND Bert McCracken. And Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump... It's a little all over the place, but I've had the endgame in mind for so long and just haven't gotten to it. I guess I'm struggling with the structure and shit. Whatever, I'll eventually write it. I've also noticed that I've been pretty much locking myself in my brain, in these fantasies that I just can't break out of. Like, the key is right there, but I'm stuck between the decision of breaking free and facing reality, or taking comfort in my own stories. Eh. Fake shit is always better than facing the real world. Learned that the hard way. I think I've just been gradually shutting down since my cat died. That sent me down a path I didn't think I'd have to face that soon. She was only 10. I'm okay now, though. Things are actually starting to look up for me, though. I'm in my junior year of high school, and I'm starting to figure out what I wanna do with my life. It's so fucking early, and it's definitely gonna change, but I don't wanna admit it just yet. On a lighter, less existential dread feeling, I'm hoping to go to the Pierce the Veil concert in my state on December 3rd. I actually got my dad into them. His friend (and business partner), Keith, also likes them. 

I think I spoke too much. Whatever. Thoughts are out, and now I get to go back to doing whatever bullshit I was doing before. See ya.