9/27/23

i don't really have too much to say today but i felt like it would be good for me to blog. so.... i got my new tablet and pen like i blogged about last week.. the tablet is lovely and a nice upgrade but of course the pen that was sent with it was incompatible! so i STILL have to order a new pen anyway. the seller was really cool about it and partially refunded me but still. i learned that the pen i need for my new tablet is also compatible with the intuos 4 i was using prior so it feels like i did a whole convoluted thing for nothing. i don't mean to be too down on myself but i notice there's always SOMETHING that goes wrong for me. it's a pattern i notice a lot. i think i'm just someone with naturally bad luck. i'm at least thinking on the positive side of it, which is that i have a new tablet that i can use since my old one has been with me for almost a decade and the cord is on its way out. i just really didn't want to have to spend $70 on a new pen. in the meantime i'm doing traditional art so i don't feel like i'm losing my ability to draw.

i went to a work meeting last night where we all went for drinks afterwards, and my coworker/friend and i were catching up since we haven't seen each other in a while. they asked me what i've been into lately and i had to really think about it and half-jokingly said "nothing". they thought it was funny because they've also been busy and we had a good time overall but like i said, it was a half-joke. my days have just been blending together a lot lately; i go to work and come home at night so all i can really do is go to bed and then get up and do it again the next day. my days off are nice, but i have to force myself to get up and do things like clean around the apartment or go take a drive and get coffee so i don't lose more time. i don't feel passionate about things i was before, and once i'm out of work and the managerial mask comes off i just don't really feel much of anything. 

HOWEVER, the other day my bf and i got up really early and drove out to a spot where we went hiking and then had a breakfast picnic on one of the balds. even though i ended up having a REALLY bad day at work later, it felt nice to be outside, move around, and spend time with the one i love. i wish we had more time to do things like that, it's just that our hours of work and school don't exactly line up. but i would like to go up there again, maybe by myself for some soul searching or something, idk. i would also like to start working out again. i feel like when i listen to music and work out, my brain just stops for that hour or so and i don't think about anything. even though i'm not resting, it feels like my body is more focused on stretching and working out and IDK, it just feels like i get to turn my brain off for a while. i can understand how people get addicted to that kind of thing, LOL. i want to also start going for walks early in the morning when i get up again. it's nice because most of the time it'll be foggy and nobody else will be out yet.

i don't really know why i'm writing down all the things i want to do - maybe putting them all down like this cements them in my brain somehow as something i will remember to do, like making a chore list or new year's resolutions. i think i really would just like to feel better.