A sad blog from a sad person

I really do still love smudge (STA-COL) I think. Every time I think about him and Ru (ERR) I can't help but feel my chest tighten up. It doesn't help that Ru seems 2 hate me and smudge keeps asking for romance advice. Giving my best friend, the one I love, advice on how 2 get with somebody who I'm pretty sure hates my guts? That's pathetic, right? 

I told myself it wasn't him I loved, it was the him I remembered. That's a fucking lie. It's him and it's been him the whole time but I've told him how I feel before and he doesn't feel the same and never will. I just. I don't know what 2 do. It hurts me so bad but I treasure him so much I don't want 2 lose him. 

Maybe I just need 2 rip off the bandaid and stop talking 2 him. I know killer (MAC-COU) would still talk 2 vi (STA-COL) so things might be a little awkward but I'm so tired of hurting. 

-dream