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can't live my life - TW mental health talk

Recently my mental health seems to just be getting worse. I never have a moment where I'm not feeling depressed or relaxed, I guess this is also a bit my fault as I still haven't gone back on to my meds. 

TBH my social anxiety has really been getting to me, it seems to just be getting worse and worse, the depression I can kinda put up with, i've lived the past 6 or so years with this same feeling and I'm now able to kinda live though it but my social anxiety stops me completely from living my life. 

I collect kpop photocards for fun (cringe, I know... don't judge lol) and such a big part of that is communication but I have the hardest time messaging people. I worry that my message comes across as rude or mean or awkward and they will think of me badly, I also worry that I post on my story and people who follow me will see that and think I'm a loser or something. 

Even though no one actually knows me and majority know nothing about me I still worry that they will think bad about me. I know that logically no one cares and no one pays attention to what I'm doing but I just can't get past these thoughts. 

When I go outside I think people on the street are looking at me and judging me but like obviously they aren't like if I was asked to try to remember all the people I passed on the street a couple of days ago I could't remember a single person. This applies to everyone else too, no one pays attention to the the stranger they quickly passed on the street a day or two ago but for some reason I just can't beat these thoughts. 

I'm just always so worried about how people will view me...

I just want to be able to live my life and not have to think about how my actions will make people think of me (to a certain degree ofc like I can't just be rude or anything). 

Thanks for reading if you have gotten this far :)

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