Saturday, September 23
Oopsie ... deeply sorry for the month long hiatus ... since my last update I have become busier than I've ever been and I am going through quite the adjustment period which has felt strange, exciting, and lonely. I work with kids which can be fun but it's very stressful bc I think I am generally also just prone to stressing out a little bit extra about things that shouldn't be a huge deal. Like I get really overwhelmed really easily apparently. Also I think this job is giving me anger issues <3. Or I guess it's making some anger issues I've always had come to the surface. I now have 2 tutoring jobs on the side as well, which is lovely, but a lot of my work days don't end until 8 pm ish now and when I have class in the morning on top of that I am looking at like 11-12 hour days which personally I feel shouldn't be legal unless I'm making six figures which I am obviously not. Balancing it with school assignments is ... aheh ... scary. Plz help. Foreal. Another thing is I fear that the wonderful financial freedom illusion of having a job has been shattered because I am facing the crushing realization that $100 is literally just not a lot of money anymore no matter how you spin it, and this I find appalling ... teehee ...
Fall has started which I am beyond excited for as it is my favorite season. Hallobirthgivingmas really can't be topped im sorry. I have too many ideas for halloween costumes and now that I'm getting paid, the options actually feel overwhelming like I don't know what to pick because I don't necessarily have to be extremely frugal this time around but then I also don't want to buy something I won't wear again so I will probably end up being too frugal ... I wish there were a word I could think of that's more intense than excitement because what I feel for halloween and fall every year is so intense. The movies and the treats and snacks and decorations and music and vibe AHHHHH. It's everything to me ... speaking of the October vibe and how much I love horror movies as u may know ... the new Saw movie is coming out this upcoming Friday YASSS. That will mark like the official official start of Halloseason for me I'm so ready. Some fun things I have done so far this month are hanging out with friends, (although it's gotten more difficult with my work schedule now but it's very necessary for me to see them as often as I can) visit my family a couple hours away, and I also met an internet friend whom I've known for like 8 years which was surreal and so cool. I have been visiting my family more often which is really fun because I love getting to see my grandpa so much. I also love going out with my cousin who is like my forever 2000s icon bc she's about 10 years older than I am so she was in high school during peak 2000s shenanigans.
As for media, Miss O-Rod (Olivia Rodrigo) released her new album GUTS this month, which I didn't think I would really care for considering I'm not fond of her first album, but I absolutely love this new one !! I haven't felt so immediately connected to an album since Ariana Grande came out with positions so it has been really exciting to find new favorite songs since it almost never happens. I just deeply enjoy how much of the album is not at all about a man or a relationship because those songs always make me go "who the f cares." Like seriously come up with something else. So I am really enjoying singing along to them and I am sure they will make an appearance on my Spotify wrapped this year. I haven't been watching a new show but I am currently considering starting Pretty Little Liars, New Girl, Big Little Lies, or rewatching One Tree Hill. Who really knows tho bc shows feel like SUCH a commitment that I just may end up putting it off forever. After watching The Bear, Succession, and The O.C. start to finish this year, I am like traumatized from the emotional turmoil I fear ... My favorite new movie I've seen this month is without a doubt Bottoms !!! Emma Seligman u motherfucking genius. I recommend that movie to everyone, or everyone with taste at least. I was genuinely laughing aloud in the theatre, and it feels so amazing to see art being made by people who you can tell they just get it. So funny so camp so full of talent so fun. Life altering level of iconic actually.
*sigh* ok that was long ... that is mostly all for now ... I'm deranged ... Love u ... xoxo later