rant #1

tw for gross ass men.

ok, i really need to get this off my chest. there's a boy i go to school with who i kinda talked to a yr  or so ago, but some kinda icky stuff came out abt him so i dropped him for a little while. well, he reinitiated contact and i figured i'd given him enough time to grow out of it, and we talked abt it and i felt like he had. well, fast forward to now. it makes me so unhappy. he keeps calling me all of these horrible names and he pats my head in public despite me telling him that it makes me insanely uncomfortable. 

well, tonight he texted and asked if i'd be ok with calling and talking on the phone while i did my homework. i said yes, despite the gnawing feeling in my stomach. and on the phone, all he wanted to talk about was how he's talking to a girl (my ex-best friend who does nothing but talk shit about me these days) and about how pretty and 'easy' she is. i know what he's doing is disgusting but honestly i'm so... frozen. like part of me wants to beat the hell out of him the next time i see him, but the other part of me greatly fears upsetting him or hurting his feelings. 

i hate my stupid emotions. 

i hate these stupid guys who do nothing but act like braindead lunatics and then get all mad when you don't want anything to do with them. it makes me sick to my stomach to have to exist on the same earth as him.

any advice is greatly appreciated. - sd