TIRED OF BEING OKAY

September is definitely going to be an emotional month for me for now on. Too many memories happened in one month that brought me joy but now the memories of them hurt. I hope as time goes by they become happy memories again. For a while now I've been holding in the sadness and pain September brought on to me but as the days are coming closer to these important memorable days of my life my nights are becoming sleepless. Today, I couldn't stop crying.. I couldn't get out of my head and at times I'm still in my head. 

I held this pain in trying to be okay, trying to exist, trying to be in the moment, trying to be a good mom, trying to be okay. I'm tired. 

I'm exhausted. September is exhausting.

I really hope one day September will just be September again. I would love to enjoy my little one's birthday without it being painful. 

December is coming and in December you left and never came back. 

In December I became a widow...