entry 003

Sometimes I forget.  I forget the true beauty of this world, I forget how amazing it is to be alive.  I forget what it feels like to be happy, to enjoy the moment, not the memory.  I should be in-control of my life, not a spectator on the sidelines. I should be here, not there.  I should enjoy being family, friends, people who love me.  People who care for me, who want the best for me.  But, why?  Why do I forget these things?  If they're so lovely, then why do I forget them?  Why do I hate the things I hate, why do I get upset so quickly, why do I fight the people who love me?  Why. Why.  Why.  Why.  Why.  Why do I do that?  Why don't I understand why I do that?  What is the point in doing that?  I think I'll never truly know why I am the way I am.  But that's okay,  it's okay to not know.  It happens sometimes, that's what life is about.  Learning from your mistakes, learning from other mistakes, being yourself.  That's what life is about.  Love, loving, being loved.  But if that's what life is about, then why is it so difficult to reach that point in a life time?  I might never know that as well, but that's okay.  I'll soon know life's meaning one day, one word. . .one idea, it's all different to every person.  One day I'll soon realize what I was here for, maybe it will be soon, maybe it will be quick. . .maybe, maybe I'll never know.  Maybe that one day will never come?  What will I do then?  Well, I'll know when that day comes, for now, I'm not going to worry about that.  I'm going to worry about the moment, not the memory.