sleep

its been a while since i last slept properly, i spend everyday nodding off while at work and im just waiting for the day that take me to the only conclusion available.

 I half expect to leave work with a knife impaled in me with how often i shut my eyes and keep working. sure the days pass faster, but god damn am i amazed nothing has happened. i thought working with my hands would keep me awake, but that doesn't really work when my brains so understimulated and restless that it would make a rabid dog seem calm. its not driving me insane perse, but its so fucking annoying. 

I still don't know what causes me to be unable to sleep. most of the time i cant sleep normally, i sit down on my bed after a momentary burst of energy and wake up hours later. it feels like a blink and i occasionally feel worse than before i slept. its (unsurprisingly) immensely tiring to not get proper sleep, especially on the mental. 

I cant even ask anyone for help as they all mention things I've already tried long before. medicine, tea, piano, all have failed. medicine having the worst effect on me, causing me to sleep for a short time and wake up paranoid and anxious, damn near ready to throw myself out a window. it's would be funny had it not happened more than once.

sometimes the stack of sleeping issues keep growing, like my minds incessant need to stay active. so ill be nodding off naturally only to have my eyes shoot open as i see an image appear and sear itself into my eyelids. horrid visions of things i've seen or conjured, all trying and succeeding in keeping me awake till i pass out. that or the body growing uncomfortable due to a lack of movement. i CANNOT sit still. 

something needs to change soon cause its seriously starting to fuck with me (even more than before so .)