vent vent vent vent

wouldnt life be easier if i was prettier? anyways. heres the story of anthony. my first love. the first one to make me feel anything more then happiness and desire. i felt obsession. i wanted him to be mine and mine only. i think abt that point i realized i might have quiet bpd. suprised? yes actually. i never knew how crazy i could feel until i fell in love. my mind was all over. do i have a word limit on this? anyways... 

yeah. long distance, online "e daters" situationship. he even said "i love you" to me. crazy. he didnt love me. but he loved the attention i gave him. he eneded up talking to another bitch. i was suprisingly nice about it. felt bad for her and me. until she wanted to get petty, so i strung him along like a fucking dog on a leash before ghosting him. im the best he will ever have for a long time. he texts me still but i dont reply. "good morning" "good night" every night. miss me? miss my voice? good. i cried for days over him. so stupid. scared how crazy my symptoms would get in an actual relationship where i fall in love again. hope to god i wont lose myself in the process of loving him.