21

To most, 21-year-olds are full-blown adults ready to take on the world, but that's just not true. No one will ever be ready for the world. No matter how many life experiences you have, no one is the same as the others. 

Being 21 years old makes you realise how underprepared you are for the world. Suddenly all the safety harnesses have been removed and you're on your own. Left to ponder whether you're doing the right thing, whether you're on the right track in life. Suddenly you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Suddenly it feels like you're wasting your life if you're not doing something. You've been led to think that turning 21 suddenly makes you an expert in life, but that's far from the truth. 

You get so consumed with doing something with your life that you forget to take a step back and enjoy the journey. You get so consumed with achieving and "winning" that you forget to appreciate the moment. Everything just seems to shift to "winning" in life, but how do you know when you've won? When you've achieved great career success but your mental health is in the depths of hell and have little to no personal relationships with others? When you've surrounded yourself with the people you love, doing what others expect of you but always feeling empty inside? Or when you work your ass off only to return to a home filled with strangers because you just don't have time to get to know them. 

Being 21 has been a roller coaster. The shift from being "just a teenager" to a "working adult" just happened overnight. I didn't have time to mourn my fleeting youth and had to throw myself into adulthood with little to no guidance. I wasn't allowed to do what I wanted and instead had to do what I needed to do. Even now, I find issues with allowing myself to enjoy life and get so caught up with upholding my adulthood image, being the perfect role model for others, and working towards being at the very top so that you could reach the best at a young age. 

All I want to do is enjoy being alive. I just want to be able to enjoy my journey in life, and experience being a teen again before I have to let it go once and for all. I would kill for a chance to be able to do what I want to do and I feel envious of others who got to do that. 

Being 21 is scary. I still don't know who I am or what my purpose is in life. I don't think I will ever know. But unpredictability is the most constant thing in life.