more on school

raaaaaaaaaaa so atm i've done 3/5 of my prelim exams, got one tomorrow and then the last one on friday (currently tuesday) it's been pretty stressful tbh but i dont think ive failed anything yet lmao (or at least i fucking hope not)

so far ive done art, legal studies, and ancient history, with english and then math left to go aaaaaaaaaa i feel like for both of them i'll do either rly well or rly shit, tbh i havent rly been doing as much study for english as i probably should have (we gotta do an essay based on two texts and have the prompt already, ive drafted nearly the full essay but ik i wont be able to remember it all so ive put it into dot points so hopefully i should be able to get it better, but anyway, im pretty sure thats only worth half of the test's marks bc it has short answer questions we havent seen yet) and then for math im nervous bc i feel like ill forget a lot but also i dropped from doing advanced math last year down to standard this year and have been doing pretty well since then, like most of what we do is pretty easy tbh, its just remembering what different things mean and how to set shit out rly

anyway. it'll probably be fine. hopefully. i also find that my medication is actually working pretty well for like exam anxiety so yayyyyy, ive also been less depressed lately (its been less intense at least u feel) and idk if thats the meds or just me having broken up with my ex a few months ago (it was stressful and rocky but still pretty wholesome most of the time, she's an alright person but sadly we dont talk much anymore, i dont think being in a relationship was good for my mental health tho.) and also just developing a better social life bc god damn i love my friends so fucking much, they've saved my life so many times in the past few years without even trying and i doubt i would be here without them, i cherish them so dearly, they bring the most happiness into my life ive ever felt. it's rly good to not be alone anymore.

but mannnnnnn im sad bc two of my friends are going away for most of the holidays (unfortunately one of them isnt getting back until the day after my birthday either which kinda sucks but also idc i'll just celebrate it a few days late so i can be with them all also its not his fault lmao) but anwway. one of them is going to japan and the other is going to singapore on scholarship bc he did like a thingo on war history for modern history - he loves that kind of stuff and im soooooo fucking proud of him both for getting involved with something hes so passionate about and ofc getting into the scholarship program, hes the one who's getting back later, after my birthday as formerly mentioned. looking forward to hearing about their travels lmao, especially since ive never been able to leave australia before. so anyway that leaves me with my other two friends and god knows we're hopeless at organising things but hopefully we might be able to do stuff. i do look forward to the holidays (and thus the end of this exam block) but im also fucking terrified bc im going into year 12 next term which means i gotta get my shit together and also that uni is getting closer and fuck knows my autistic ass is NOT ready for a massive routine change (im also just rly scared for the future, especially since i have no real work experience, and also was not planning on or expecting to live this long) as well as all that i gotta do my hsc exam for biology early next term bc i took the accelerated course so hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa funnnn ><"

anyway. i will end my extremely dubiously punctuated ramble here. im cringe. im free. im full of self hatred. im going now. ily