im so sad

im not even sure if people use this website, but im pretty sure nobody will read this which is sort of nice because i just want to get some feelings out about life. but if anyone does read, here is something i am complaining about. (not some vent !!! just talking :p)

okay SO last year i met this guy on an online game and we began chatting through social media. he was 2 years older then me and for some reason i was head over heels for this guy. we had only been talking as friends with some flirting for a few months, and our conversations werent consistent. he would just randomly hit me up and i didn't see that as a problem because i was glad he was even talking to me. after those months of "bliss", he left for almost 6 months because of his phone going missing, apparently. i dont know if i believe that. 

during those months he was gone, i left a message for him just acting like i'd been hacked and telling him not to open any links so i'd have an excuse for a conversation if he was there but i didn't get a reply and didn't see him online, like ever. this year, in around march, he came back and i had changed from the pick me i used to be. it was different now, because we talked for ages, everyday. he replied fast most of the time and he hadn't changed, and we spent up until just a week or so ago basically talking everyday. the longest he left was about a week but he found a reason to come back even when we had arguments, like normally we'd just be cool after that yayy!!! 

we had a small falling out a while back and i was in the wrong but i apologized as sincerely as i could and tried to make it up to him. he was dry in return and then left for four days. when he came back, i was kinda mad and as much as i did want to talk to him, i was offended that he was treating me like some hoe. i was just kinda dry but i did tell him i wanted to talk. he told me he wanted to make up for the days he was away and if i could talk that week, so i told him i could. but the next day after that dry conversation which he gave up on after five minutes of us talking since i was still hurt and responding with a lot of things that gave the impression i was mad (he should've known!!!!), anyway. he left and it's been four days. almost five, i dont even know what to do anymore knowing i treated him good. i think hes ghosting me and im sad about it but im ready for it, i just don't want to let him go. even if i have to, i want him to feel bad before he exits my life. like i'll have a kid with one of his friends or something for revenge because part of me is still mad. 

WHAT SHOULD I DO IF HE TEXTS ME?!!?!?!?!?! (question for the ghosts reading this over my shoulder, i guess.)

and hey look at me blogging im so tori spring

update : 

hes done with me 

my name was in his bio, (id kinda forced him to do it) but it basically said he loved me and we said ily to each other all the time, but he kept that as his bio for so long. today he changed it to some christian thing. idk. this is sad man i hate boys sm. he hasnt blocked me or anything but i know hes done w me now and im mad at him too but i dont think i could ever be mad enough to ghost him. but im not going to reach out to him, i feel like he should do it first. ughhhh this is so annoying I HATE BOYS i dont know what im going to do without him