20 | back from the war

hi guys it’s been a while. Both school and work have been eating my asscheeks it’s been so hard to find free time! So much for an entry every other day. For now, I might try to do weekly or every other week.

these aspects make me quite sad. I do work and school and all that stuff so that I can fund the things I want to do for myself! If I don’t have time to do that, then what’s the point? This is one of the aspects that I feel School kind of steals from me... I feel like I can be quite bland because all I think about is school or work. I don’t want that to be all there is about me, but sometimes I feel as though it has to be in order to survive. I’m gonna really try to make room, I actually even did all my homework due for the next week

an embarrassing thing that happened to me lately was that I had to go to this lab at school, and I promise you I read everything in the instruction page. There was nothing on uniform requirements, but when I pulled up to school everyone was wearing scrubs!! I felt so out of place ): I even tried to dress plainly that day so I wouldn’t stand out.

these moments make me feel like I’m behind everyone. Like I’m slow, even though I know I’m not in the grand scheme of things.

i also am in my training period at work now. It always makes me so anxious because I don’t know how the ropes work completely yet, and it’s a constant combat against my shyness. I get nervous around both the patients and my coworkers. I am scared of a patient being mean, and my coworkers are heavy shit talkers. I just can’t imagine the concept of only being nice to someone upfront! It feels awful wondering if someone is being fake to you.

the good news is that it IS getting better. I’m getting less nervous doing a lot of the skills I was awful at before, and I am getting better at talking to people. To clarify, I know that I can reach a comfortable point at my job, the process to get there rhough is damn painful.

I have already, a ton of cool patient stories, but im not risking a confidentiality breach so I won’t talk about them lol