slice, slice, slice.

⚠️DISCLAIMER⚠️

THIS BLOG ENTRY HAS DEPICTIONS OF ABUSE, SELF HARM, AND SUICIDE.

THESE STORIES ARE ALL FICTIONAL.

IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH ANYTHING LIKE THIS, PLEASE CALL FOR HELP.

AS USUAL, IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO ANY OF THESE TOPICS, PLEASE CLICK OFF.

IF NOT, ENJOY LEO LORE #3! :D

After the divorce, my mom wasn't the same. She began to ignore us and drink a lot more. She was usually passed out because she drank too much, or she was drinking. It was the worst, I had sometimes wished they were back together. Just so that things would be the same. I hated the fighting, but she wouldn't even feed us. My older siblings took turns making dinner, or ordering takeout. It was dysfunctional as hell, but at least we were alive. I would always take care of Hazel. That was my role in the household.

School and work were my escape, most kids would think that's absurd. Most kids hated school. Sure, I hated all the assignments, but I was away from my family. It was better to be at school than to get beat. I had people that cared about me too. I could smile, I could laugh. At home I couldn't do any of that. There was nothing TO smile or laugh at. At school there were people to talk to, things to do, it was an escape. I could make fun of Koa and Nelson for being fags all day, and I wouldn't get hit over it. I went to Sophie's house a few times, she made Koa wear a skirt to school one day. If I had done that, I would've gotten hit or slut shamed. I knew my living situation wasn't normal or ideal. I was always jealous of people who did have good living situations.

At home it was too quiet and there wasn't anything to do. My siblings apparently didn't like that too much. They started fighting to pass the time I guess. It was always over the littlest things too, once my sisters got in a fight over earrings. Willow doesn't even have her ears pierced. My brothers got in a fight over who can sing better. Felix was in theater, Charlie is in a boy band. These fights always escalated too quickly. One minute you could be having a conversation, the next you could be bleeding out on the floor. I guess they inherited that from our parents.

My mom drank a lot, but she never finished the bottles. She always left them laying around the house. I tried some Vodka once, nobody ever caught me. I liked the feeling it gave me, next thing you know I'm drinking every night. I hated myself for it, my mom didn't know how she was affecting us. I don't blame my mom, the divorce was hard on her. I just wanted her to be her normal self again. I wanted to help, but I knew I couldn't. There were some nights that she would lay on the couch, and I would curl up next to her. We would just stay like that for a while, I ended up taking her alcohol and drinking it in the corner of my room afterwards though.

Since it was way too quiet at home, I got a speaker. Sure, some of the family didn't like my music choices, but I didn't care. It calmed me down. Headphones didn't work since I have sensory issues, so a speaker was my resort. During the time my parents were divorced, I started self harming. I wanted to kill myself during that time period. It was hard on me mentally, as well as physically. The blood flowing and the music calmed me down. I didn't bother to cover up the scars, everyone thought it was from my stepmom anyways. I think that was the worst time for me mentally, but my friends made it better.