abbie surfs the web

being a girl born into a post-geocities america, one where all our media is found in one central nervous system, it’s easy to romanticise the old internet. to imagine a world where computers were vessels for a single freakazoid with some know-how to create a world for themself.. a promise the future could be seperated from mega coorporations. instead it would belong to a single soul, and his neopets. 

maybe its the absence making me like this, because my real laptop has a piece of metal in its charging ports, and i miss visiting my websites. because i am a computer girl to my core. and that’s something places like neocities and flight rising remind me of. i need my digital footprints to be more like the ones i had when all i did was play on the computer, barbie flash games and such. i miss those things so bad. like theres all these archival efforts for boy games, but none of the barbie mariposa dress up games are on the flash archive. double standard much? like sometimes i’ll go into nostalgic frenzies trying to find them, and come up with zilch. you can go on barbie.com and see them on the menu, but it’s fake. you go to click on them and a screen pops up, with barbara millencts roberts face zoomed in real close, taunting you. telling you to install the latest version of flash.

this is something people talk to death, but it’s so strange those things are gone for good. digital decaying. i <3 alliteration. those games hold a presence in the minds of a whole era of girls, and nowhere else. or like, all my animal jam friends living in the recesses of my mind 4eva.

i take tools like computers for granted, and going on pre-google websites feels so much more real and genuine. like i could rip this thing into pieces and understand it’s functions, see what makes it tick. and u can see liquid running through the wires, like veins. it’s no machine, it’s flesh and blood and pink muscle.

seeing myself refracted a million times through the lens of the screen, i realise all the words in the world pale in comparison to the intricacies of modern tech. and it makes me wanna give up writing for good. and maybe i will. maybe i wish computers would do my job for me. is that such a crime?

kidding.