loosing a friend(TW:death and loss)

I recently lost one of my friends, it has been very hard to think about how we still get to take a new breath every second, but you took your last one. Two weeks and five days since you took your last breath on your way to school on a Monday Morning 07:57. Three weeks since I last saw you…

How the world Is unfair… you had your whole life ahead of yourself, you only got 17 it should have been more. I remember the day we got the message… The school counsellor came into our classroom and told us that you had been I a terrible accident on your way to school. Around an hour later… they came into our classroom again, this time only with the principal up front, the school nurse, and a bunch of assistants and school counsellors, I could just feel my heart sink and break into a million pieces… I immediately understood it. You were gone… I couldn’t control myself and the tears just flooded down my face. I probably didn’t realize that she was gone… but everything was genuinely just a big shock… the teachers etc. they tried to take care of us, but it was very hard to do much, my body was just frozen. I went home to my other friend’s house, after her mom picked us up, and I tried to process it, but everything was just so weird and surrealistic. My only thoughts that day was what, why how. When my mother picked me up, I just broke down. Every memory and happy moments were flying through my head while trying to process what has happened, my head was pounding and hurting so bad from all the thoughts and tears. The second day I came later to school, because we have these stupid rules about absence and leave, but I didn’t care about it… my father drove me to school, but wee stopped by the store and bought some flowers and a light so I could put it on her desk. That was hard. Really hard. I still hadn’t realized that she was actually gone. I was just waiting for her, to see her walk through the door, greeting the day with the biggest smile ever. She was one of the liveliest girls I have ever met. She was wild, and loved doing thing now, and not later. She really loved living in the moment. I remember she got me to bathe in the ice-cold sea, in the middle of January, while there still was ice on the sea. And going to the theatre all dressed and dolled up to sit in the dark for 3 hours. Even just taking a casual cartwheel in the hallway… I now realized that these were the moments we should live for, the big memories, and even the small ones. Because I believe that almost every interactions you have with each other, you will feel a great love for everything and it will find a place in our hearts, so you can honour and remember them for the person they should have been, but the person they were. It was at her funeral, 10 days later that I realized she was gone, but its hard accepting it. Its going to take time, and there is going to be good and bad days, but right now ill just have too see and remember you<3 have a good rest my angel, I will look for you in the sunrises and sunset, always your ice bathing buddy, love you<3