Word vomit & thoughts I guess. The Web is wacky.

I think about the way I used to approach the internet, mainly social media. If you weren't posting about it - was it actually even happening? "Pics or it didn't happen" is a meme but at the same time not quite. At least not then. Remember the beginning of Facebook - the way the statuses were? YOUR NAME is... (type in status). People would abuse the hell out of it. "Taking a poop", "eating a veggie burrito", "crying myself to sleep", "listening to this album on repeat". I don't know why everyone (including myself of course) was so obsessed with constantly updating. I used to upload shit all the time, statuses, memes, photos, Youtube videos/links. Now I don't really do anything. I don't think I want people to know much of anything pertaining to my life, but at the same time I do because I want to talk about my thoughts and ideas. Sometimes I want people to know what I have to say, even though a lot of the time I don't say much. It's also a nice way for myself to express things, cope, think and remember whatever was happening when I was typing about whatever it is. I like being private, but I like the world. I like being alone, but I want to be around people sometimes. I'm not very good at keeping friends, I have a couple buddies I check in with and send memes to every now and then but it just becomes increasingly difficult the more I age - the more I live. I talk to my mom and stepdad about it sometimes and they say "you had a lot of friends in high school". I'm quick to write it off, I had a few people who I truly considered friends. Then I think more about it and yeah..I kind of did have a good handful of friends and people who I would talk to and message on a daily basis. I think in high school, in every single class I had at least two maybe three friends. Of course excluding senior year aka the worst year ever, I still don't know how I managed to graduate. That year was a fever dream.

But anyways.

Everyone online is either too real, too fake, or some grey area in between. I find myself in the grey a lot. I don't post about myself much at all if ever and we always put on our best faces for the net. Nobody ever really sees the ugly real shit. I love when people strip themselves down and show it though, because being a person is beautiful and disgusting at the same time.

There's a trend on TikTok right now that I love, it's people going through their Instagram photos and talking about what was really happening at that time in their life, a lifting of the veil of perfection. Like - a photo of a young mom, her boyfriend and their two little kids at the pumpkin patch in matching flannels looks perfect, but then admitting later on that the night before she almost killed herself. Sorry to be dark but that's the reality of it, and it's horrible but it's real.

I think we as a whole need to be a little more vulnerable, on our own terms and to a level we are comfortable with. We as a whole need more compassion for ourselves and especially others. People often see vulnerability as weakness but really you learn that vulnerability can truly be strength - it shows you are not afraid of the realness. You are not afraid of your humanity.

I don't know what this post turned into, it's just become word vomit but I wanted to type and think and this is what came of it I guess. I think I'll start doing posts like this for myself because I never have before. Anyways here's Wonderwall.