hey every1!!!/!? i know i've been gone for a long time but i thought you all deserved an upd8 ♡(>ᴗ•)

as a kid, i loved autumn. i don't know if it's sumthin 2 do with my incessant pessimism or my individuality complex (it's not my fault i'm layered n deep xDDDD) but it hasn't felt the same. not yet, at least. i hate school because it feels like a performance. i adopt a completely fake personality and shoulder the responsibilities of getting unrealistically high grades, student voice executive, eco club, racial representative and equalities leader and this seems perfect (on top of popularity) but it drains me so much and confuses me about my identity ( ﾟ，_ゝ｀)

i also have 3 big waves of extremely important exams, starting on my birthday. i'm studying from now but i need all A** sooner rather than later. i'm not particularly scared; only really for my art since i'm so behind on coursework (｡╯︵╰｡)

my birthday is on september 25, and i'm goin 2 B 6teen! i really just want to work so i can save for my future apartment and leave behind my old self on the whole - but here's all the fun things i'll be doing. getting stoned around my (sober) friends. being gifted money, a hello kitty mini-skirt, a lemon and lime vape and a variety of surprises. holding a huge house party. going blonde, getting my nails done, eyebrows waxed and septum pierced. i don't think it's excitement as much as anxiety and intrigue (my life is normally really fucking boring) but it's easier to pass it off as that. (个_个)

i think it's honestly quite obvious, but my mental health has been really bad and my symptoms heavily worsening. i've been entirely depressed since around may, with a few euphoric episodes. i had a breakdown two days ago. i could elaborate more on what's going on (internally, there are no external changes) but i feel like that's boring. i could just really use some advice. i feel completely out of control of my life, emotions and actions - and i'm incapable of making and committing to future plans. it's horrible having no one or nothing to hyperfixate on out of lack of time, but you guys are all great (─‿‿─)♡

q&a!!1!

What's your favorite school subject? When I was at school I remember liking Geography a lot. - ⚝ Yudachi!!

i think in terms of enjoyability and investment, it's probably art - even though it makes me the most stressed at the same time. statistically, i'm best at computer science and english language though (* ^ ω ^) 

please continue to send in questions - my questions post is pinned :3