People often have misunderstandings and judgments about bisexual people. They can think that we're confused, can't decide, are selfish, want to be with one person of each sex, are promiscuous creatures, want threesomes, etc. While each individual is different, it's not fair to make assumptions about people.
My Bisexual Journey
I knew that I was attracted to females several years before I found any attraction to males. I was still in diapers and had no idea that these feelings were considered "wrong" by the majority. To top it all off, I was raised Catholic (Italian) and when it started becoming clear that my attractions were "sinful" I became very confused. Yes, THIS is the confusing part. Why was something natural and harmless considered to be such a terrible thing that you could get sent to Hell because of it? Am I now a bad person?
I felt like I had to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. From a very young age, I felt like there was something wrong with me. I didn't know how to fix it.
I'll never forget the moment I realized my attraction to males. As soon as I got home from school in 3rd grade, my mom told me that she had recorded a music video on VHS that she saw on TV and thought I would like it. It was the music video for Mmmbop by Hanson. Yes, Hanson. Remember that song that would get stuck in your head and it would drive people crazy? I loved it. I didn't care if people hated it. The moment I saw the singer, I thought "Wow! She is so pretty!" I was enamored. I was in love. So, I would rewind and re-watch that video several times that day just in awe of her beauty.
You can imagine my surprise to find out that she was.....he. Taylor Hanson, a BOY?! No way. Impossible. She's too pretty! There's just no possible way that THAT person is a boy. I found myself...wait for it...confused! There's that word again. Confused. Maybe I was confused. Maybe I didn't just like girls? Maybe, just maybe, I liked boys too. I mean, he was a boy. I was attracted to him. That had to mean something. I seriously struggled with this.
It's humorous to me how I had the opposite experience of realizing that I was bisexual. Typically, bisexual girls will like boys first THEN girls. Not the other way around. So yes, I was confused; just not in the way you would think.
Fast forward to my teen years. It was clear that I hadn't grown out of this "phase" of liking girls as well as boys. I started panicking. I began to question the religion that raised me. If God won't allow me access to Heaven even though I've never gotten in trouble at school, never grounded at home. I never even talked back to my parents. So it didn't matter if I was a good person, I would still go to Hell because I have this attraction. I had always tried to suppress my feelings, I tried to be straight and it wasn't working. Depression started sinking in. I didn't believe in God anymore. Scary and dangerous thoughts started taking over. I can't live like this.
I'm now in my early 20s. I give up trying to change myself because I'm EXHAUSTED. It was only going to lead to my nonexistence and that just wasn't an option anymore. My baby sister needs me here. I'm basically the second parent, and I'm needed. I decide to accept myself, fate and all. I had also found spirituality and faith again, but in my own way. No religion, no system or group, just me and the higher power. Prayer is my friend, it saved my life. This is okay. I'm okay.
I meet a woman, we become friends, we become more. I knew I had to come out. It wasn't fair to be with someone and to hide them. She didn't deserve that, and neither did I. Will my dad kick me out? I'm pretty sure my mom will be accepting because we're so close, we're practically sisters. I'm not worried about that. But my dad? I was worried about telling him. To my surprise, he was very nonchalant and didn't make a big deal out of it. He was supportive. My mom, however, looked sad. I had broken her heart. She didn't want to believe it. It was a phase, it must be. She had told me "I just don't see that for you." and would often ignore me when I would talk about my girlfriend. I was gutted.
My best friend, my own mother, didn't accept me for who I was. She was waiting for it to be over. To this day, the dynamic is the same. I've tried having conversations with her, but she gets frazzled and wants to change the subject because it's too much for her. It's too upsetting. She tries to set me up with men, or ask about male friends trying to see if it can become more even though I've exhausted the fact that those friendships are platonic. I get told that she wants biological grandchildren (my son's birth mom is my ex girlfriend, but I've been in his life for 7/8 years of his life and have handled all motherly duties and responsibilities). The pressure for marriage and children is strong. I've been single for over 3 years, only dating once in that time and it was very brief. I love my mother dearly, and I hope one day she can accept me for all that I am.
So, now we get to the nitty gritty. The assumptions of bisexuals and where I stand. I do not have a preference. It's the soul that attracts me the most. I have never had a threesome and don't plan on it. I'm monogamous. Although I think it's perfectly okay to still have attraction to others, I don't act on it and I don't really speak about it out of respect for my partners. I might give a thumbs up, a few words, or a smile about a celebrity, but that's about it. To each their own. I have had friends who are poly and that's totally fine. I don't judge others. I draw the line at blatant cheating. I have never cheated or knowingly been with someone who was taken. I have been hit on by married men and proceeded to screenshot and send the info to their wives. I have so much respect for other people's relationships and marriages.
I believe that about covers it! If anybody has any questions, feel free to leave a comment or send me a message. xoxo