Things suddenly getting realigned just right whilst yielding to giveups

The friend who was to stay the nights for the conference ended up getting a hostel stay reimbursed when it became clear I intend to make it so that my flatmate quasigf would be forced to host them herself for the first day.

The fwb from Berlin was underestanding of me maybe not coming because of being overwhelmed - that fit well with it turning out it would be good if I stayed longer, for the weekend maybe even, with my ex-not-ex.

Turns out even more compulsion occured that I travel to the offices of my employer and happen to meet up with my team, a week from now. This time that doesn't mean I get to get screwed by a friend, unfortunately. Hopefully another friend will manage to host me.

Suddenly everything got realigned. Overwhelm-postponing ended up succeeding. New emotional challenges it all brought, though. New effects and impressions on and of my split personality.

Coming months I am going to be easy on myself with stuff and hopefully all situations will play along. I should hopefully regain some stability.

I might start frequenting the hackerspace again, but not really gonna hold it as a place of hopes for managing to do stuff - rather defaulting to regarding it as quite a contrary.

Friends on fedi... I intend to stay inactive. I intend to wait out my internal struggles. I intend to not reach out. I intend to let myself continue to irrationally assume I am of no use to them for the time being. I intend to wait until something happens and I get tangled back into the web.

Hopefully with time I will just have some more contacts on xmpp and matrix again. Hopefully if I will get the most persistent ever at writing this blog, it will become a plexus of things at last.

I am having new approaches, new approaches of discarding what's irrelevant and too associative, new approaches focused on that's important, and more cautious.

I will stay in the back. I will seek to focus on personal development. I will use solitude whenever I am of no need and whenever I am not either resting or full-on dedicating my time to close ones or, uh, catching up with work.

If any established identity in the online will limit me in what I can toy with whilst describing it openly, I will sidestep it.