Struggles of a new week of being depressed with needing a rest whilst having plans

The whole concept of staying here was supposed to be about resting. About the kind of rest that’s all about feeling free to stop wherever the stress becomes too much. That worked for a day or two.

I turned out to first have an issue with the main lighting fixture being configured to an unbright decorative RGB function, as I got reminded how much I need to have proper warm white bright light when in alone to function

I then ended up reminded how with a kitchen that I never and especially after recently hadn’t felt like I shared, with the slightest depressive turn of mood I will turn to buying the most premade food possible, and if the good fresh kinds of premade will not be available in a match with my tastes, I will buy bad cheap kinds of premade instant food. And by “reminded”, as almost always, I mean that’s what happened.

Overall: a workday of going to hackerspace, a workday of meeting my quasigf, a weekend day of being anxious and depressed and procrastinating packing, a weekend day of being harsh on myself about time and relying on previously mentioned TimePlanner, to pack up and take care of stuff around the place, with several stagnations along the way until at last it turning out I maybe better stay; and today is a Monday. The stay prolongation would be until Wednesday evening since my ex comes back here on Tuesday evening.

And last night I ended up getting in touch with ex and resetting the lights to have default warm white. I am not going to have much or any bottled mate for tomorrow morning, even though I ended up not using any for today’s workday. Mid-day I started being lazy again, turned out to be gastrointestinal as always.

Quasigf will visit today because there are practical matters and arrangements we must take care of today. Probably that will be delayed into quite late, but not much into the night either. I will have to find time around that to go to the store. Instead I feel like going to sleep right now already. That would give me any hope on getting to work in early morning to catch up on today. Maybe I will settle with a nap. Gotta give a heads-up on taking that nap to qgf because otherwise she will be troubled with no communication from me.

A friend is coming to the city I live with my other qgf in, to speak at a conference on Wednesday. I agreed to host them a month ago. And they preferred to have a night’s sleep from Tuesday evening, before speaking. My qgf has social anxiety and it is a struggle for her to have to host them on her own if it happens that I’m staying here still for the first day of their stay. That was a hard decision to make. Too bad I won’t cuddle the friend at least for the one day, hopefully they won’t end up managing getting a hostel reimbursed and missing cuddling with me altogether, assuming they would enjoy to have some.

I was planning to travel to Berlin this weekend to see my fwb there. I also for both of the days of weekend intended to have a call with them just to reconnect, and ended up not. I really hope that stay isn’t going to end up not happening because of how overloaded I am. If in shape enough, I would probably also end up seeing my crush-quasipartner during my stay.

But for that I should remember today to request a weekend extension leave for the next Monday. And before that stay I hoped to have my STD&hormones blood testing done, but my medical provider requires that I visit an infectious diseases practitioner to refer me to such a blood test.

And for the Monday after that, since I also hoped to spend some time with another fwb, in the city I primarily live in, who is going to be on their two-week leave from work and it would be a shame to not meet with them even once during that whole time; I really miss having the opportunities to spend time with them.

All that while also within 8 days I need to deliver a new dental health services declaration to my workplace and have lots of clutter that I want to carry in a luggage from my ex’s place.

And in the center all of that I am just sleepy and having my bowels act up.

🚽