I want to experience

I feel isolated. I want to go to places with friends. I want to have fun with friends. I want to go on date with girlfriend. I want to go to abandoned places with friends. Everytime I am see high places or cliff I want to jump. I always thinking "what if I jumped" but I don't want to jump. If I jumped my family will be sad. But I want to go jumping off a cliff with a rope.