(warning!! this contains me ranting like a little bitch)

I feel so ugly. I just wanna curl up and die. I hate when people say "noo you're pretty! " cus no I'm not you can stop lying. I can see myself in the mirror and all I can think is "that bitch needs a salad and a nose job. " I'm a pig in lipstick. there's so denying it anymore. all I can do is cry about it and starve myself and that doesn't even work. I gain weight so easily and it takes forever to shave off it's horrible. everytime I date someone immediately after we break up they go for someone skinnier and prettier with long hair and a small waist. how am I supposed to still feel pretty after that?? it's a gut punch especially since it's always right after the breakup. not a few month wait. no it's always a couple weeks MAX. and it's fucking horrible. everytime I use one of those bmi tracker things it says overweight no matter what I do. it's seriously horrible and dehumanizing. I'm 5'6 and 148 is that really that bad????. I can't even get anyone anymore despite my efforts of looking good. I've lost as much weight as I can I put pounds of makeup on what am I supposed to do? sometimes guys just talk to me to tell me I'm ugly, fat, or unfunny. like I'm sorry I really am. im sorry you had to look at me and my disgusting body for longer than you ever wanted to with no prior warning. I'm. so. fucking. sorry.