My summer

TW WAR 

I just want to tell somewhere about it(but can't to find a save place for it). Usually I wrote about my summer for school's essay. But it was 3 years ago.  But war ruined even that.  tired of this ,i know , everyone sick to read or hear about war in Ukraine, and i can understand that. 

Tbh, this summer was definitely better than last, i found friends, even if they only in my phone... but they actually helped me to save my life. last summer was pretty lonely, i hadn't any friends, no i had,but then he said ,he loves me in romantic way... so i just stoped our communication. It was mistake, then i found out he was on edge of kill himself ( he was in Bulgaria,so i couldn't meet with him). But now he has amazing girlfriend,and im really happy for him. Only last autumn we started sometimes text eachother ( our region was occupied,and i texted him,when it was freed(?) by russians). I tried to resume our communication, and only then I've understood what i did. 

This summer i also found amazing person and ruined our good relationship... we started to communicate in May ,i couldn't choose the patch and decided to text a random person in tik tok (they was following me there) for that we had been communicating for month and even more. I became attached to them( i always attach to people very fast ((( ) we have even started to date... unfortunately i don't know the reason,but I can't feel romantic feelings to anyone. I really want!! I guess it's because of war(before it wasn't a problem on the contrary, I was very loving ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯),And in one moment i started a little panicked, like 'what if my mom found out that I'm dating with girl?', and something like that. I felt very comfortable to them , but when i thought more i panicked more and more ,so i started to feel uncomfortable and decided to stop communication with them. I really behaved like a dick. And i knew that,so it's became  even worse. Then after month we decided to stol communicate for August. Thh, I wanted to cut all ties with them ,but they asked just to make a pause,and they was right. It was really good decision. ( i think, they so idealised me ,and i one moment *pink* glasses has ruined)

Meanwhile, I'm actively maintain a Twitter account, and found an amazing persons. We weren't close. With one of them ( ill call them Kx, for more comfort ) we have Just shared videos in tik tok. With other (I'll call them Marlena)we at first met in tok tok ,then i posted a comment of their video and they saw that, And then we had got into one rp chat(we're still there. Kx is also there, Ukraine ghost community is pretty tight) and for July i and Marlena are good friends,i guess i can call it like that. 

Sure, in this time i was sitting at home and sometimes visited the gym. I'm leaving in a front-line city, so there i can't just to go somewhere, it's just or ruined by rockets or closed. 

I'm still trying to resume communication with them*(person from third paragraph) I'm not sure ,that a good idea. But....( i will never blame them if they don't want communicate with me anymore. 

Soooo my summer wasn't so lonely and sad like last one , even if it was only in internet. 

I don't want think about everything that surrounds me, cus i know everything i can realise it (i actually have no choice,and i have to know this shit) ,i can say i just love my small comfort bubble,where i have friends some sort of drama and smth like that. But i still remember,that everyday someone die, that something explodes near my house,that i can die in random moment. That in next year i have to pass exams and choose the specialty and university.  But i can't be sure ,that in next year I'll still in Ukraine in my house,i even can't plane anything in next month,cus it can be changed just on next day, yk

Anyway if you read that, thanks!!! ><!! 😛

I'm sorry for mistakes, just English isn't my first language,and my level is only b1 😭.