hyperactive

aaaaaaaa this week has been a living hell. i know that i should have some sort of sympathy and be the bigger person when someone related to me has cancer but given context and history, i mostly just feel tired of being a chauffeur or runner whenever someone has an issue. why is it my inherent responsibility to drop everything i'm doing to take care of someone who's repeatedly disappeared and acted fake? someone that's only brought stress and drama to my life? i just want to fall back into routine and start feeling like things are normal again. 

the life i'm living isn't my own and i have so little agency in deciding my path. i want to change that. i need to be able to decide things. i'm simply waiting for things to clear before i can make that happen. ugh.