The Beginning of Only Zelly...and Others

Hello, y'all!

I was introduced into this world on August 9, 2000 on a Wednesday, some time after 1pm. Technically I was already here on Earth at the time of conception, but that's neither here nor there. I'm the one and only child of Lilivady and Miguel. I'm also a product of a one night moment...which actually used to bother me a lot. I used to think I was a mistake and that I don't matter. Which that somersaulted into me thinking I'm a waste of space and that I'm not needed. That life would be so much better if I just didn't exist. But, that's a whole other can of worms we'll get into later on, maybe idk. Anyways...

What's pretty interesting is, I feel like I can remember my birth/whenever my mom's water broke at home. She just got home from getting a footlong chilli dog from Sonic, she was about to enjoy it and then...her water broke. She never got to enjoy her chilli dog! Either way, it's something I think about a lot. I feel like I can remember the room layout, the wallpaper, my mom's friends and family being there, and etc. Like, I can remember the smell of the room(birth and medical stuff?) and sometimes the moment I was birthed. I wonder why is that? There are pictures from that day and they do match with what I "remember". You know, maybe it's because my mom used to recall my origin story so much, I feel like I was there, lol. So, hm...interesting. 

As I mentioned, I'm an only child. Being an only child was not THAT bad, because well I wasn't always alone. I have my 3 main cousins: Kazuya (Pudge), Chip, and Levi. <--- All named after anime/video games! They are the offspring of my mom's only sister, DaLila (Bill). Pudge is the oldest of the bunch, being 20. Chip and Levi are 16 and 15. I still see them as little kids...I can't believe they're growing up so fast. Anyways, we grew up together as my mom and my aunt were pretty close. They also lived with me a huge chunk of my life. They were always around just in general, we lived near each other sometimes and also my cousins and I went to the same school at one point. And now, I actually live with them.

I've been living with them going on...2 years now. My aunt took me in after August/September 2021, when I lost both of my parents and my grandma to COVID. My life did a whole 360 when everything happened. I was lost, empty, sad, and heartbroken. But, while living with my aunt I've changed/grown a lot. Which is good, for the most part. But I also feel bad for it sometimes. I think mainly because I still live with guilt. But, I'll go into it in a later post.

One thing I think of often is, wow...I'm an only child. Like, I have no siblings. Even though I count my 3 cousins as brothers. But, to have no biological siblings and knowing I'll never have any is interesting/sad. Everyone/my friends around me, had at least one sibling. Growing up, I wanted an older sibling. One that I could look up to and hangout with. At one point, I wanted a younger sibling, one that I could take care of and protect. I sort of got both of those things.

My mom and I were super close. We did everything together! To others/my mom/sort of me, it seemed like she was my best friend more than my parent. Which was cool and all, because I loved doing everything with her. My aunt and I are sort of close in age too. Mainly because she was a child(14) when I was born. So, at times I saw her as an older sister...ish. Since my cousins were around a lot, mainly Pudge, I got to take care/nurture them. Pudge lived with me for the most part and because we were only 2 years apart, we were super close and did many things together.

I could never imagine my life with a sibling, though. I guess you can say I get a bit jealous easily. So, having someone else around, I would've definitely been bothered by that. I mean, I did get bothered by it, because my "competition" was Pudge. We were the first 2 grandkids and we were both spoiled. But, there was a time when my grandma only paid attention to him and took him under her wing...sort of like a son. That was pretty hard on me, I remember being mad at him for getting all of the attention. Not that my mom stopped paying attention to me, but I don't know it annoyed me so much to have my grandma's eyes on him and not me. 

What's interesting is seeing people with siblings. Not that it's such a taboo idea for one to have a sibling in life. But, it just seems weird to me. It's hard to explain. Mainly brother and sister combos...they interact very weirdly. They get on each other's nerves yet love each other. I can't wrap my head around it! Maybe I find it weird because the brother/sister combos I was around were mainly in school. And those kids were always weird with each other. Getting off topic, haha.

But, being an only child had it's perks though...well for me it seemed like it. I was spoiled to death! I got a lot of things that I had wanted. Which was awesome. I was also the first (grandkid) and only granddaughter. So, my grandma spoiled me a ton! Out of my 3 cousins, I was the poster child of being perfect. They looked up to me for being the best around. Which that did put a lot of pressure on me, but I was seen as this person who was the best of the best. Which I totally wasn't, lol.

So, in a sense I became the older sibling I always wanted. I also got to nurture and take care of siblings/my cousins, like how I wanted. So, it's a win win situation for me in the end. Now, as we're older I don't care as much who gets more attention than the other. Pudge and I are the same it feels like but also very different. Chip and Levi are basically twins and are inseparable at times, yet apart because they get on each other's nerves. But, I'm glad I have them with me and under the same roof again. I'll cherish them for as long as they'll let me.

That concludes my latest blog entry of my life. I hope you enjoyed it or not. Whatever, haha. Make sure to like and comment below. And don't forget to hit that subscribe button. 

Until next time,

Zelly :)