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September 4th 2023.
Today's been a pretty stressful day. Though not as lonely as normal but it was very exhausting. I had to go to church with my school today. It was rather boring. A lot of people weren't respecting the gospel and the rituals having to go with being a Catholic and being in a Catholic school. Not that I do. I certainly do not. Though just because I'm not apart of that religion anymore it doesn't mean that I didn't participate and do everything.
I'd say it was more irritating to hear the adults go on and on about the very few not doing it, prolonging the duration in he hot church. May god strike me down if complaining about this is bad but Lord it is hard to deal with everyone else complaining.
I had an english test today. It was boring. Nothing i didn't know. Got a passing grade on it and that's about everything I remember from earlier in the day.
After being home for a while my mother called me to ask if i was studying. She asked me about my english test and asked if I did it well. I responded asking her if that was really a question to ask. May I add english is my best subject. She told me that whenever she asked last year I always said it was great yet I still got held back.
I won't lie. That pissed me off and ruined my mood.
I know it was rude but I blatantly asked her what she wanted after that comment and she just wantes to know if I ate yet. I did not. But I told her I did to get her off my ass. After that I hung up after saying goodbye just to get a random message by some stranger I was following on TikTok.
They initially tagged me in a TikTok asking me to "Let them into my DMs" since it was set to no one being allowed to message me. I told them that I'd fix it so they could message me then I got spammed immediately with a bunch of nonsense. I must add that this person is a Carmelo IRL though theyre apart of a system. I didn't know what to expect really but they were sending me random stuff. Then asked to be my friend and out of desperateness I told them ok.
They asked for my discord so I sent it to them. When they added me it was absolute chaos. He spammed me once again and then asked if I Vc'd. I told them that I did but I haven't done it in so long. And right after that I was added to some Random Group Chat. I happen to meet a Rudy IRL in there that's dating the Carmelo. Everything seemed fine till a VC started. I joined it and it was intriguing to say the least.
They both seemed very mentally unwell especially with the Rudy. They ended up slitting the wrists on camera as I watched in horror and their boyfriend instigated them. They are on a level of mentally ill that even I cannot comprehend. I will not advocate for them or anything but I'm going to try to help them as much as I can. I feel a bit of responsibility for them considering I'm older than them bodily.
I wonder at times if things like this happen for a reason. If there really is a god then may they help me through these troubling times with these individuals as I hope for the best.
Comments
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cadaver ✩
you are very sweet, but you don’t anybody anything. especially random’s online that felt the need to show you such a thing — they are strangers at the end of the day. be safe, know your limits and don’t allow them to be violated, even if you feel guilty.
Thank you, I'm quite aware I don't have to do anything for them considering I barely know them but I feel responsible since I even allowed myself to get into that situation.
by ♱ Tobias ༻☽⛧; ; Report
hyperview
you've a good heart. most people would feel quite uncomfortable helping them after witnessing them do such acts. i hope they heal and find the love within themselves that they deserve.
Thank you. To be frank I was a bit uncomfortable but I'll be trying my best to keep them safe.
by ♱ Tobias ༻☽⛧; ; Report
don't feel bad if you end up separating yourself from them. my advice is to do it in a respectful way rather than to ghost them. even if you have to lie to get out of this situation. you could say you don't have time to talk to them anymore. i say to do it in a respectful way so they won't feel as abandoned and hurt. i'm not very articulate, right now, and wish i could give a little bit of better advice.
i hope you can help them stray from the path they are on. i also hope you are doing alright. i would be traumatized from seeing someone do that to themselves.
much love to your lovely soul
by hyperview; ; Report
It's amazing advice, thank you. I wouldn't ghost someone considering I've gone through losing someone like that too. But I will definitely keep this in mind.
by ♱ Tobias ༻☽⛧; ; Report