a little hope

I feel everyday as if I walk alongside a ledge from the infinite black of a great void. Everyday I scrape the corner as my body balances back upright. I’m reminded again of the desire to be coddled and cherished, to love and to be loved. My fears of losing such a sensation are quelled for the time being - alas, I still hunger. An eternal hunger that surges as the waves of an unrelenting ocean barge my skin with salt-scented droplets when my mind reels into that pitfall of anxieties. A future full of sharp-toothed nothings that scream and wail and never relent in their bloodlust, dragging and dragging this body away and away. 

 I ache for meals yet I am dragged away. I ache for change yet I am dragged away. I yearn for a new body yet I am dragged, punctured skin of those frail hands that beg of stagnation, a false safety in this forlorn realm of existence. To how long this wretched cycle will last, who is to tell but the being in my mirror. If there is a higher being I pray to it, as otherworldly grace may be all that I have left. I am but a step away from the entrance to a world I have yet to befriend, and a world that will only see me but a vessel. I step over and sacrifice all that I carry for the continuation of survival. Yet...

....warm caress of sunlight, I can feel that now. I notice in myself more times throughout the day where I carry myself higher. Such emotions of doubt, dread are watered down into a tasteless broth at the pit of my stomach and a new taste arises, a new will to keep walking that trodden path along the abyss. Perhaps one day I'll find myself again. Yes, perhaps I will. Soon enough I will conquer this cliff I call my home and rest alongside it, dangle my weary legs from the peak, learning to sleep again. Everyday I am a student in the practice of existing for myself, with myself.