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l̴̡̠̭̘̝̫̫̞͇͕̾̌̈̎̈́̅̀͐̈́͒̊̋͘͝͝ͅļ̷̛͓̠̠͋̿͜͠ȩ̷̧̲͙͍̟̭̹͔͉̰͚̬̟̟̾̋̔͂͋̇̊̇̕̕̕͜͝c̸̙̼̯͋̑t̸̡͇̱̙̆͂̒̓̎̓͆̈̈́̆̄̿̓̾̚̕͜͝ͅi̷̜͔͍̰̙̭̝̞̠̠͖̟̦̜̥̻͐̆̀̍̌͘̚͜o̸̦̠͇͚͇̎̾̊͌͗͑͌̎́̎͂͑͂̂̇̈͆̕͜͠ͅn̷̤̹̥̗͉̘̞̟̭͇͙͒́̔̋͋͊̌͋̚̚͝͝ ̶̧͓̪̯͕̟̳̞̬̠̫̀̇͑̈́̿̾́̊̓̔͆̌̓͛ő̸̹̤͕̣͚̺̳̮̞͍̹͚̝̍͆̀͝ͅͅf̷̫̱͉̗̗̳͈̜̏̈̑͐̽͑́͜͝͠ ̴̢̬̘͓̒́e̷͍̰̫̯̘̭̲̪̱̖̯̣̯̭͈͔̍̄̈͂̄́s̵̨͉̝̚ś̵̡͍̝͕̖̜͓̫͔͍̜̤̥͚̰̪̼̩̔̀̒͛͊̇̓͋̌́̀̍̾̽͝͠a̵͓̞̗̝̬̱̮͚̟̻͇̦̟͂̿̿̑̀̍͋͆͑͘̕͠ͅy̶̤̬͕͙͉̗̫͍̆̊̀͆̊̑͋̚͜ͅṡ̵̨̪̯̝̘̦̭͉̤̜̳͗̎,̶̨̨̡̗̘̭̮̜̜́̀͆ ̵̧͓͔̺͙̩̺̖̍̊́̅̔̾͂͐̈́̋̽̈́͛̐̈́͠o̸̧̞̤̩̹̬̦̮̼̤̳͈̙͇͇͇̻̒̆̔̔̽̇̊͊̈͑͋̀̿̒̒̓̕͘͠b̷̨̫͓̯̙̀̂̀̋̽̆̆ͅs̴̞̞̦̩̖̲̦̯̺͐̒̌̄̂̃͘ę̶̜̙̯͉̖͚͍̹̙̪̟̺̤̌̈́̾́͑̕ͅr̵̯͖̞͈̪̯̮̍̍͑̿̋́̽͊̑̈̚͘͜v̷̮̥͕͈̩͕̱̤̆͐͊͆̓̾͗̽̆̑ą̶̼̗͔͍̮̌̄͌̅̾͂̎͝t̴̛̬͕̱͖͍͖͚͕̭͉̀̂́̈́̎̏̈́͒̾̎̔͛͑͜͝i̶̭͚̲͈̓̈̅̓̆̂̽̑͋̓͂͌̌̆́̕͘͝ ̵̢̲͎̺̪̱̝̈́́̇̌̉̀̃̾̀̚͘͘͜͝b̶̡̡̢͙̲̱͍̪͍̙͈̩͍̰̟̙͙̣̅́̍̀́͠͠y̴̨̧͙̔̎̀̓̈̔̍̀͋̉̄̔͑̏̄̚ ̶̧͚̗̠̼̳̯̓̕͝ͅÁ̴̛̜̝̪͆̅͊̈̈͐̄̚n̶̡̧̝̗̜̺͚̪̤̩̼̦̍̐̾̿̑̍̋̅́͒̈́̈́́̐͝t̶̤͎͖͙̅͋ǫ̸̨̝̳̟̫͓̱͔͛ͅņ̷̢̩̤̩̥͍̩͇̳͚̾̒͂͗̕͝ ̷̛͙̟͈̫̤͇̗̗͗͌̃̈͋̋̽͂̐̚͝L̶̨̘̪̹͍̣͇͉̺͍͉͔͐̍̀͝a̵̧̛̝̜̱̣̫̫͎͚̭̺̪̣͕͍̓̾̀͆͑͗́̊͗̔͠V̸̨̡̛̳̞̀̊̌̑͋̾̊̍̀̉ę̷̯͎͕̺̬̖̪̥͙́̉̆̽̆̓̎͌̐͛̆̕͜͝ȳ̴̨̛̮̲̈́͊͌̑̾̀̌̆̏̑̆ ̴̫̠̰͇̩̼̼̗͕͊̎̍͘i̷̢̛̬̺̳͇̬̠̼͔̝̤͈̤̭̻̖͉͊͊͛͛̓̎̈́͂͊̃̅͗n̵̪̩̩̝̲͛͑͊ ̷͇̤͈̺͙͆̌̾͊͋̎̾̇̈́͒̋͝1̵͓̰͚̟̪̪̟̮̮̤͈̱̮̤̬͜͠ņ̷̩̲̟͈̻͎̖͚̪̩͇͉̮̝̳̀̉̓̾̐̌͑͝͝͝͠s̸̢̧̧̛͓͎̭̻̖͍͖̞͖̋͂̍͑̓̇͂̑̀̎́̀̑̆̉͘̕͜i̶̛̛̠̠̞̞͇̭̊̒̕d̸̢̧̛̦͕̳͍̱̫̥̙̈̃͒́͒̐̍̒̊̌̊̓͒̍̕̕͠ḙ̸̡͚̞͈͒͂̃̉͘r̴̨̗̹̖͖͓̠̦̯͇̝̰̮͎͇̈́̇͜͝͝ͅë̴̼̹͖̈̀ḑ̴̨͔̝̜̜̖̹̤̜̔̄̏̾̍̍͝ ̶̡͉̳̗̝̟̻͈̱̞̘̬̞̻̜́̾̅͘t̷̻͖̮̘͎̥͔̼̥̻̣͒͝ḩ̵̡̨̬͓͉͔͎͈̫̠͙̘̥͎̅̎͋ę̸̙̳̖͖͙͎̖̻̣͕̭̠̜͍̲̹͌̈̿ ̸͔̹̣̹̘̹̞̠̜͗͒̽͑́̕͝f̵̧̛̛̰̩̜͔̃́̌̅͊̊͗̽̋͗̉́͋̌̕͝o̵̹͔̣̩̹̰̼̠̪̼͑̀̾̈́̅̋̈́̎̈́̒͛͜͜ͅͅŭ̵̬̜͕͊̌̃̓̄̓̎̔͂̎́̐͒̀́̈́̿n̶̢̥͚̳̻̰̟͎̬͍̦̗͉͈̠̥̍̀͌͗̐̉̕̚ͅd̸̗̤̩̲͇̭̟̥̞̞̺͉̲̝̱͚͐͌̽̆̓̒̏̋͋̕̕͝a̴͇̝̙̫̠̫̭͍̻͓͖͎̒̇͂͑̓̇͠t̴̡̨̘͙̘̗̩̬̙̜̠̟̾͆̚ͅí̸͖͖̬̖͚̅̆̌͌̈́̊̅͘͠͝͠ö̴́́͌͜n̵̮̲͇̩̺͔̪͚͔̔̎͌̈́̒̈́̓̎̾̈͆̕̚ ̵͉̱͎̦̼̜̂͂͜ǫ̷̢̡̖̺͖̙̠͉̬̞̩͛̏̑̄͂̒̂̈́͛͒̈́̚͠ͅf̷̧̡̩̦͇̝̞̫̹͔͕̞͇̥̖͚͔̈́͋̇̇̆̽͛́̀͐ ̴̡̰̫̞͚̥͙̪͍̺̂̒̏̆ḯ̵̢̢̢̦͈̬̺̞͕͈̼͍͍̮̳̦͍̜̓̈̑̓̓́͑̉̔́́̈͋̀̂̒̏͝t̴̪̬̭͙͗͌͑̎̓͒̇̍͠ş̴͓͈̜̪̖̘̫̥̩̝̤͑̈̉͊̋̂́̚͠ ̷͙̤́̀͒̃̒̿̃͊̕p̸̫̀̄̽͒͝h̷̡̡̤̘̰̺͊̾̈́͜ǐ̸̡̢̡̡̡͙̫̝̥͈̠̞̻̺̙̹̹̫̑̐̔̊̔͝l̷̜̳͍̯̻̠͎̻̘̟͙͙̝͔͔̏̉́͌̓͂̐̎͗͒̎͂̐ͅǫ̸̦͈̗̠͉̞̘̬̻̐̓̂̈̎͂͌͒́͂͆͒̓́͐̓̊̕͝ş̷̖͇̜̱͓̝̪͖̱͓͎͎̟͑͌̀̀̍̿̊̃̇̚͝͝ö̷̧̢̧̢̨̫̗̜̲̘̲̠́͑̐̅́̄̄̾̉́͘͘͘͜͠͝͝͝p̷̥͔̻͖̳̱̮̰̱̹͖̗͓̈̐h̶̨̧̠̦̠̪̜̗̙͈͕̤̭̱̲̰̽̈̀͗̇̈͘ÿ̶̡̞̭͕̯̲̯̀̾̈́͊̓̉̍̾̋̂̔̈́́̈́̅͒͠ͅ ̷͕̠̫̱͍̞̭͓̫̠͆̓̇̀͝͠ͅa̶̡̡̡̮̩̰͚͓̩͍̭͎̪̞̱̦̟͆́̾̍̌̋̏̋̒̓̈́͌͠n̶̨̼̭̲͔̼̗̰̓͋d̶̨̝͖̣͚̬̲̠̼͈͈̩͇͉̺͚̠̝̓̈́͗̀̿͆͝ ̷̛̛͔̹̯͖͚̣͎̭͕̫͖͔͎̳̎̑̈͠ͅḏ̴͙̟͙̞̣̮̪͔͉̖̝̣̪̘̗̜̉̿̌̍͛̇̀̑̂̍̈͌͑́̓͗̕ǭ̷̨̨̢̨̨̟̼̘̰̥̰̞͚̬̠̘̘͖̈̾̒̄͌̕͘͝͝g̴͓͊̀̀͑́̆̏͋̃ṁ̵̛̬̱̯̓͂́̎̀͊͐͛͌͋

It's always worse during the nights. I just lie there, not able to sleep. I have these... thoughts, fantasies, dreams... they keep me up. I hate myself for it. Not for thinking it, but for enjoying it. I can't talk to anyone about it, no one will understand, no one can help me


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