drabbles on emotional nostalgia

wanted to share an excerpt from my notes cause that is what people do on blogs i think

these are a few months old when i was thinking alottt about childhood

•  " but that dream sorta made me perceive childhood like "okay, you aren't your child-self anymore, you can't relive these things and i know you mostly don't want to, but every so often, you can come back to all these memories you made and just take an observation trip. you have your own little pocket dimension, little space in your mind/soul(?) where you can go on occasion and just walk around. think of it like walking through your elementary school in 2012, when no one's there. or like walking through your house, the city park, your dad's old apartment, the T station in boston, a forest somewhere in florida covered in spanish moss and chirping crickets, or your old room, without reliving your experiences there. your childhood shaped who you are. you can't erase it but you also can never turn the clocks. just know that it'll always be with you, when you wish to see it and as you continue life "

 as well as

•  " another thing i just thought about, what if, for example, the administrators/staff at my middle school went into/do their jobs Knowing their job is to create memories that people like me will look back on the way i am now? like, when i think about mr miller and whoever the others were, i think of them, really really far away, just waving from afar. like 'buh-bye! come and visit us again sometime!' i wonder if they realize that they play this role in our minds. like a little family that hosted me for 3 years and will just be there from afar thereafter. maybe i'm getting too dramatic about shit like school. don't get me wrong, i didn't really enjoy middle school and i wasnt one of those kids whose life revolved around school. but you have to admit the shit that goes down in those years of your life builds character. it's just really weird lol. it can be really overwhelming to think about that stuff, and like all the stuff that went down over years in places like my room, backyard, living room, spots in downtown, just pretty much everywhere around here lol. it's just so crazy sometimes, holding memories is hard because it's something we actively do, but like, what do i actually DO with this stuff? like what do i do??!?!?! do i ignore it?? miss it?? like what do i dooooooo. "