Picture Day Incident 8/31/23

This morning I woke up at 5:15 am, I get up brush my hair and teeth and start to apply my white foundation. Layer after layer making sure it's perfect and looks like real skin, next i start my black and red eye makeup with bold long lashes I applied perfect. Then I contour my face with light grey and make my neck match my new complexion on my face. I leave the house without time for breakfast and hurry to the bus stop. My friend loves it and takes some photos of me which I really liked, on the way to school everything is normal but for the first time in a while I feel beautiful and authentically myself. I get to school and walk through the courtyard doors and everyone stops speaking, it gets so quiet you can hear a pen drop. I thought to myself "yeah I expected this" and as I got further into campus it just got worse. Everyone in my path is staring, taking videos, and walking away from me to laugh with there pathetic basic clique. I am mortified and shaking, you would probably think someone like myself does this as a cry for help or attention. Not at all, I wanted an iconic and memorable photo for picture day. As I shake and try to swallow my stomach acid rising into my mouth I make it to class extremely unsteady. The looks and glares continue naturally. What makes this even worse is over the announcements my principal declared picture day is cancelled. "What??!!" Everyone turns to me and laughs, I say "I ruined my reputation at this school for a good photo and picture day is cancelled??!" My new Marine bio teacher tries to talk over me by taking roll. A few minutes later I ask to go to the bathroom, I take all the makeup off I worked so hard for in a bathroom stall and look at myself questioning my choices for that day. I go throughout the norm day repeating what happened over and over, the more I list what happened to desensitize myself. As classes come to an end I still get laughs and stares, whatever I'm used to it. As long as it's not like this morning, I don't know how or when I will forget this but hopefully with time people will forget and the footage will get old. I don't deserve this or a lot of the stuff that happens to me, but whatever we keep pushing.