My final hours of being underage

I'm so scared to age. I hate birthdays because it reminds me, little by little that my times running out which reminds me how much I'm wasting it. I have so many ideas and experiences to make into art wether that's animation, drawings, music or some other form. I can't imagine myself as 18 or an actual adult but in the next hour and a half I'll be just that.

 I hate any reminder about time, it makes me think too much about 'the big picture', it reminds me that in 20 or so years I'll only be remembered by a few people, that my work won't be seen and probly in a landfill somewhere, that all my ideas will only be felt by me, that all my items,photos and treasures will be destroyed or sold to complete strangers. I hate that that'll probly be the truth.

It dosnt help that I physically can't not procrastinate and I don't know why, even if I'm working on a project I'm passionate about I physically feel like I have to procrastinate because my brain tells me it's all a waste of time anyway.

This blog post will be gone someday too,also probly only seen by a few people.

I hate feeling so insignificant all the time and I wish I could stop thinking about it and just enjoy the moment.

Happy birthday to me I an hour.