queerplantonic love

i love him so much and he doesn't know. it's in a way he probably won't understand, so i don't think i'll tell him. i just want him to know he's cared for. i want him to know he's important. i want him to know he could be someone's world, even if i can't give that to him in the way he wants. maybe one day he'll find someone who will love him as much as i do in that way and he'll love them too. it'll hurt, but he deserves to be happy. he deserves to feel loved.

feelings can be so complicated. sometimes i think i'm not doing this right. i'm not good at this. he said he's waiting so i still have some time to prepare myself before things come crashing down. it's selfish to want him to myself. i love him so i'll let him go. maybe he'll come back to me. i almost hope he doesn't.