not much to do irl

im so incredibly bored every day. i have no choice but to look to the internet for entertainment. i suppose it comes with living in a rural-ish area outside a small town, but i think the problem is larger than that. in the modern day, there is very little (sub)culture and almost nowhere for people to hang out and create a community with others. its all online, which is great for learning new things i never wouldve had access to, but i wish it wasnt at the detriment of physical spaces too. i hear stories about people going to goth clubs and feel so much dissonance with the mere concept (aside from the envy i feel lol).

when my mom was a kid, she spent most of the time outdoors. my childhood was in a one-window room with a book and a computer because i wasnt allowed outside out of fear (rightfully so, theres some unsafe stuff nearby but it still was damaging). we had no cool special food, no holidays to celebrate, no town events, no activities to do, no one. there were no public spaces; i couldnt go to the skate park, there wasnt an arcade, the mall is a small hallway with five stores, etc. my social life consisted of meeting my friends in school and going home to play rpgs. that was my life as an extrovert. and this was before covid. covid has definitely made it worse, but it was like this before, too.

i only found something resembling community in theatre later on. there were a lot more subcultures and support from clubs and groups i participated in at college, but its as if those dissolve the moment youre estranged from it. what i have access to now is: discord movie nights, old old goth websites and blogs, and a vtubing community im not really a part of anymore. i dont feel like pretending to be something im not just to be able to speak to people.

there is an often unnoticed side effect of a lack of physical space: they help offset any negative experiences someone might be stuck living with, be that location or family members. there isnt really an "escape" from it all, anymore, which can be damaging in the long-term. being able to go do subculture activities with friends all day, far away from a bad place has helped a lot of people's mental states, or so they testify.

i think moving to a larger place might be to my benefit, but even then, its all so hard to find. but i can at least hope i will find something. idk does anyone else have similar experiences?