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me running away from any chances i have of doing things that will benefit me in any real way bcus i am a procrastinator with a fear of commitment / failure and will not do anything if it does not give me an immediate dopamine hit (i am going to constantly do a bunch of useless menial tasks like watching 555 youtubes videos per day, opening and closing apps repeatedly, and pacing around the house just to keep myself occupied while ignoring everything i actually need to do. because i cannot just sit there and do nothing, i cannot let my mind relax for one SECOND, but i also cannot do anything of substance because that is too daunting and fills with a bad feeling i cant describe. also i have adhd.) :
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arcade !!
i would like you all to know that whilst posting this i am doing that exact thing. i dont know what its called, but i feel like if it had a name and i started calling it that people would get really mad that it has a name bcus people tend to get very mad whenever symptoms of illness or disability are named and then theyre like. "thats just a normal part of every persons daily life !! oh everythings illness now. everything disability. suddenly everyone is disabled." um. no. but yes actually. kind of.
my dad is like that when i was talking with my mother i brought up emotional incest in terms of his own relationship with his own mother (bcus lowkey thats what it is) and he was like "ohh everythings got a name now, everythings a symptom of an illness or disability" and basically implied he thinks i dont have autism and its just a hot new trend and tons of doctors are misdiagnosing people just to pump them full of medication and get rich from the medicine moneys. but like theres no need for that everyone on earth is already in some way ill or disabled because of the circumstances, you physically cant exist in this world without being ill or traumatized people just dont see it as illness or trauma because its a part of every day life. people already are over medicated instead of the original issue causing the illness being solved bcus the issue is the economic system (capitalism) as well as the culture that has been greatly influenced by said system. any meaningful systemic change would require revolution and a complete overthrow of our current system. and that simply cant do.
but he does not see this. he is a "centrist" (a rather tame right winger.)