Something struck me recently

I haven't been in here in a bit, life got in the way after I had all the good intentions for this blog, my website, etc.

But something struck me recently, and I was sort of trying to put it into words in the moment because I thought I'll lose the thoughts if I don't. Funnily enough I did, but there's a blackout poetry-esque appeal to the scattered thoughts I had left. So as a compromise for getting these thoughts out without all the words, I'm just listing things, and thoughts, and feelings.

A friend told me recently, "how are you so in love with the world, and excited by little things, but so sad?" And at the time I swatted him off.

Later that night I stared at the ceiling, thinking about it. I think I came to a conclusion about how I felt, but I don't remember what it was.

My brother has a habit of coming home from work, see my face, and ask what's wrong over and over until I give him an answer he believes. It's usually something true, but rarely something I had actually been thinking about until he said it.

I'm a huge gossip, I never really had friends growing up and I was always left out of things so I think I just like being 'in on it' for once. I've been driving my friends up the walls, especially the ones with crushes and situationship type things going on.

My mother wants to come to my graduation with the rest of the family. Most events where she's there something negative happens.

I nearly lost a friend, very recently, very scarily. I was too chicken to do anything about it myself so I gave the information to another friend. What really mattered was she ended up safe.

I still love that friend, but I have to think of her as a friend before an ex, or I get very melancholy. She didn't see me like that, but was just hurting after her last relationship.

We've fought a lot lately, I feel like all my friends have. It feels like something in the water. I hope its something that unavoidable really.

I have a lot coming up, academically and life speaking, I feel like I spend my time counting down to the next 'thing' constantly.

I love seeing random quotes and excerpts curated by strangers, a small glimpse into what makes their souls feel raw when they see it. It feels connected, like a telephone operator moving your wires to the correct ports.

Anyway I hope something here resonated with someone, made them think or feel or remember an important thought they wanted to think.