My answer to “what do you want your career to be?”

“I know im never getting out of Belleville”

Today was career fair

Every table asked me

“what are you thinking of for a career?”

“where are you going to college?”

Ive never thought much

About what id do as a career

Because I didn’t think 

id be here long enough to have to

ive been surviving

for so long

ive never cared.

Why would I care?

I thought id be dead.

“I know im never getting out of Belleville”

Something people skipped over

Or thought was funny.

It didn’t seem to resonate with others

The way it did with me.

I know im never getting out of my town.

Ive always thought that.

Im never gonna get to go anywhere.

Im never gonna do anything.

Im never gonna be anything.

Ive never thought about a career

Not in a real sense, anyways.

Ive been surviving for so long.

I just want to live.

Other people don’t understand

what I mean when I say 

“im just gonna chill.”

Because they’ve had childhoods

Where they’ve Lived.

They experienced life

Had childhood friends

Hung out with them after school

And on weekends.

College and a career is just the next step for them.

I didn’t do that.

I didn’t get to do that.

My parents kept me sheltered.

I barely had friends.

Then I got depressed.

I abandoned the few friends I had.

I was lonely.

I didn’t live.

I was stuck.

But now im going to try.

I don’t care about careers

Or colleges.

I just want to live.

I know im never getting out of Belleville.

But I want to live while im stuck here.

n.c.