Im not sure

I’ve been in and out of the mental hospital and what not (nothing new really) but I’ve realized that my mental illnesses are getting worse and worse, like I’m see shit more often and hearing shit all the fucking time, it’s hard to sleep and talk to others because I only hear the voices of those I’ve harmed, it makes no sense how their voices manifested into my head and haunt me for eternity but I’m okay with it now because it reminds me that I’m fucked up and I’m free, but I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it that way i might take my own freedom from me