i love

i love saturns moons and the colors of the galaxy. I love that feeling you get when you're exactly where you're supposed to be and you feel calm. I love all animals, especially misunderstood ones like pitbulls and sharks.

I love drawing sad boys and horrible monsters, I love drawing beautiful girls and sleepy birds. I love the way that clouds sometimes look so soft, like stuffing from a pillow. i love writing melodramatic poems about blood and sadness and how I wish things could get better, I love writing wonderful poems about how lovely life is sometimes.

I love the colors sage green and rich purple. I love sweet foods. I love my friends and how even after 3 years apart, she still loves me and wants to live with me. I love being so warm underneath polyester blankets that my mom has too many of.

I love that when I did something dumb, my mom stopped the bleeding and bandaged it and kissed it and held me when I was crying about so many things and laughing at how stupid I felt.

I love how good coke zero and muddy buddies taste after working from 3-9. I love the poems The Orange by Wendy Cope and The Two-Headed Calf by Laura Gilpin. I love how cats purr when they lay on you. I love the smell of cigarette smoke in cold winter air.

I love the feeling of warmth when I was pressed up against my friends side underneath the bridge when it was snowing. I love how he laughs when I say the stupidest shit. I love how sometimes people can understand each other even if they dont speak the same language.

I love daydreaming of the future. i love hair that's dyed bright colors. i love this mushroom man my friend took the time to make me for my birthday.

I love the smell of old books and the smell of new books. I love old unexplained pictures. I love loud and complicated music, music that has too much going on.

I love the album I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. I love the messiness of it, the way they have no idea what they're doing. 

I love my beautiful and cheap guitar that I named after my favorite guitarist that I'm too embarrassed to learn how to play.

I love messy hair and dark eyeshadow and thrifted clothes that I always forget to wash. I love walls covered in posters and scraps of paper with pencil drawings haphazardly taped over each other. I love floors with clothes strewn on top of them and miscellaneous objects tipped over.

I love sleeping on the floor cuddling with her because she cant sleep on her bed or the couch because of her back. I love sitting on her bed pressing my knee against my other friends leg and The Perks of Being a Wallflower is playing on the tv, but none of us are watching it because we're all talking to each other and laughing too loud.

I love sitting on the playground slide and talking and smoking with him as we both pretend that next period doesnt exist.

I love sitting in her garage and smoking while she lights her bong and we're both sad she didnt come but we dont say it.

I love scrapbooks that people have put so much effort into. I love people sharing their interests and feel sad when people comment rude things about it.

I love psychological horror movies and movies that are just slightly off from the feeling of normal. I love the typewriter font and the sound actual typewriters make.

I love the orange monster energy drink and the white one because it reminds me of her and all the times I spent in her car drinking it.

I love ed's car and how messy it was and how nice he was to us and I miss him every once in a while. 

I love sitting alone in my room with the lights off at that certain time of day where I can still see things because of the little light straining through my black out curtains. 

I love soy sauce and I love eating it with rice and tempura chicken and broccoli. 

I love getting presents for my friends like little things I've found that I think theyll like or just sending them things I've seen them talk about. 

I love having things that are "just my own" because it makes me feel like a person again.

n.c.  07.23.22