hypocrisy

To be honest

I am a Hypocrite.

We all are

Arent we ?

We say “love yourself”

And stare at ourselves

Hatefully in the mirror

We say “ill always be there for you”

And never answer our phone.

We think highly of ourselves sometimes

And i think we dont realize.

We think that means being full of yourself 

And treating people overtly badly.

But i think it goes deeper than that.

We have hypocrisy in our very bones.

It lays deep in the foundation of our beings,

Because we wish we were better than we are.

And thats what makes us hypocrites.

I think ive gone off on the wrong track here,

Thats not at all what i meant to say,

But its interesting the kinds of things

That spill out when we meant to say something else.

I think i meant to talk about

How i wanted to say

“I want to be better”

Because

I constantly think about how 

I need to be 

This image of perfection.

Maybe not true perfection

Not in the way most people think

I guess.

More like,

A shining light

Covered in warm sweaters

Drinking coffee out of a marble mug

Speaking in poems

And giving smiles to strangers.

But the truth is, im

A dull light

That sometimes shines through the lens of my friends

Who are more like brothers and a sister to me, really.

Drinking coffee, sure

But the coffee has grounds at the bottom.

Speaking in poems ?

Who am i kidding ?

I only do that in the solitude of my room.

Giving smiles to strangers ?

People scare me.

I am a Hypocrite.

And maybe thats not such a bad thing.

Maybe its better to share love and light

When really whats inside is darkness and hatred.

n.c.