14 Years of nothing.

I turn 15 in 28 days. Something that amazes me is that in 28 days I will have spent 15 years being unproductive and lazy. I genuinely can give you maybe 5-6 memories of the last 15 years of my life, and that's it. I don't know if it's trauma or bad memory or something, but the fact that I barely understand myself because I don't remember anything from the past 14 years of my life. Sure I'm glad I've even made it so far but dear god what do I have to show for it? I have a silver medal for a solo in band, and a 'certificate of excellence' for being the best in my section (I had a band class of 8 kids, 6 trumpets, 2 trombones, I play trombone). Past those little achievements I have very little else to show. I screw up doing everyday tasks, I break mugs doing the dishes, I broke vases trying to make pillow forts for me and my boyfriend. I just can't see myself going anywhere, especially if I can't even see where I've been.

sorry if this got personal, it helps me think when i write, and i like to share my life experience with others.