Stress

This one might get a bit deep 

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I grew up kinda poor, never so much so that I couldnt eat, but enough that my mom has filed bankruptcy twice. Money insecurity sits deep within me, having been told how much things cost and how we couldnt afford to do what other families did (we had 1 big family vacation in my life). When I moved in with my grandma during college, I had already learned not to ask for things, even necessities like toothpaste or body wash. I never ran out, but I did my best to get them myself when I could as not to be a burden. 

Money insecurity lives deep inside me.

Recently, it has found reason to well up and become a forethought. Due to circumstances beyond my control, budgets have changed within my home and I now have to contribute more to bills. Which is fine. I am fine. Im not gonna struggle to make ends meet, I make more than enough, but my dumb trauma brain insists that I dont. That I am gonna drown in debt (I have very little debt of my own and this is an irrational thought) or that Im gonna get kicked out (my boyfriends family would literally never. This is an irraitonal thought) 

I am aware that everything will be okay. I also know that the reason I am low on cash right now is because I was irresponsible with my funds, but I can fix that. It sucks. Its stressful. Money is the root of all evil. But money is a requirement in general society and I just gotta cope.