8/22/23: sad face

i've been home from work for 2 days now bc i'm sick...... ish. i was sick yesterday... but i was afraid i'd get to work and still feel shitty so i stayed home today too. i honestly think i would've been fine though, so now i feel guilty lmao...

even tho i shouldn't feel bad abt it bc other ppl on my team are out all the time & they never feel bad abt it soooooooo...

anyway

i'm struggling so bad lately with work & dealing with this insaneeee fixation i have on something else thats taking all my attention. i can't focus on work ever :( i feel so depressed rn in general, like i always do but rn its especially :////

in the last 6 months or so i started trying to make friends @ work & i realized how hard it is for me to connect to ppl. i feel good abt it some days bc for like 8 years now my wife & i have had the exactttt same friend pool... so having ppl i talk to on my own feels nice. & ive made this one friend at work who i think shes soooo fcking cool omg but shes like... :( like idk she just has so many friends & ik we are adults so its stupid to be sad abt stuff like this but she's so easy for me to talk to so naturally i wanna be her bff but idk how & idk if she even wants to be friends like tht sigh

& other ppl that i try to talk to i just feel so unreal like im not even human. i didnt let it bother me at first but watching ppl there like laugh with each other & post pics with each other & just KNOW each other makes me wanna be like that toooo... and i spend so much time there it would be cool to have friends. ://// being home for 2 days is just making me all emo abt it bc i have no one to talk to lmfaoo

i do have my wife & i love her but we are irritating the fck out of each other lately... :/