Sunrises in Niantic

I'm going to wake up at 5:00 Am to watch the sunrise, sometimes I wish I had someone to watch it with me, a friend or more but maybe its best if this becomes a personal experience something positive to remember myself by for when I inevitably change, every day I remanence whether it be a time before I saw something to relive a moment or to experience something I was never alive for, this experience can just be another file in my mind that I can possibly share with someone new or something simple and nice that I will never remember sitting on a balcony wishing I  was with someone other than the spiders between the spokes finally feeling something real in this never ending cycle of self pity and boredom even a true friend in-between the lines of a friend and something more will fill my void why do I crave the attention and love of people if my personality will always drive them away why do I have to change myself to feel something real.