Take me back to Denver

But the first few weeks of November, between Halloween and Thanksgiving, feel like such a lull, the world takes a collective breath, and, save for day-to-day responsibilities, I feel like I can sit back and relax and recuperate. This year, I feel an extra pull of...I guess you'd call it nostalgia, even if it's for something that just happened.

From October 27th to November 2nd this year, I went to Colorado for the first time with my husband to visit his sister. In these following couple weeks, I truly feel like a different person than I was the morning we left on that trip. I can't explain what it was, but something about Colorado changed me, brought me closer to my most authentic self. Maybe it was spending so much time in nature, with views and landscapes I'd never seen before, basking in hot springs which I'd never experienced before, and definitely something about feeling so incredibly at home in a place I'd never been to before. I felt like Colorado had been waiting for me, to show me something that I still can't describe with words but I can feel it in my body when I picture the snowcapped mountains and the wide plains and the clear, absolutely crystal clear, blue sky. Colorado wanted to show me how natural it felt to be this version of myself, to fully embody her to the point I'd never be able to go back. 

I missed it before I even left, started grieving for those white peaks and yellow aspen trees, before I had to say goodbye. And I feel like I want to count down the days before I go back, even though I don't even know when that will be. 

It might all sound corny, I don't know hahaha. I think growth might always have a level of corniness because it's so heartfelt and we're not used to expressing such pure feelings, maybe at least I'm not ? But it's all so true. 

I was a different person out there than I was before I went there, a version of me I've been striving toward but never really felt like. But when I was there, it was so easy to be her. And I came back her.

I came back more grateful, more calm, more trusting (of the universe, which, as someone with anxiety, has never been super easy.) And because I felt these things the whole time I was there, it was proof that I can feel that way anywhere, I have the capacity to focus on these positive emotions and feelings at all times, even though it's so easy for me to get caught up in the anxiety loop. I came back empowered, knowing inside that I can be the person I've always wanted to be. I'm thankful to my family, the mountains, and the music (shoutout to GRiZ and his Another World shows for changing my life even further, which I'll probaby write about another time because geeeez that was the most amazing Halloweekend ever) for holding up a mirror and showing me that I've actually been this woman all along.